no. cuffing. please.

Warning: This post says fuck a lot.

Have you guys heard of this whole “cuffing season” thing? Some strange phenomenon where, during the winter months, these dumb ass boys decide they want to be in a “relationship” because you know…it’s cold, lonely, and generally depressing to be alone on the holidays? Apparently this is a thing. Seriously. Look it up. I’ll wait.



See? People who are generally promiscuous are more likely to get in a relationship through the winter months. These relationships typically end by Feb…13th. Anyway, let me back up a little bit and tell you how I discovered that this sad and desperate act had a name.

I have always had this weird thing where people I’m in relationships romantic involvement with tend to come back around after a few months, and decide that I’m amazing and they really fucked up and etc, etc, so forth, so forth. Okay, not all of them admit they fucked up, but they definitely come back. My love life is like Pet Sematary. Dead, creepy, and quite possibly written by Stephen King.

This has happened with a solid 90% of the guys I’ve dated. As you may have noticed if you’ve read my blog.. most of my relationships max out around two months. Why? Because that’s about how long it takes to go on a handful of dates, and realize that this person is a fuck boy. Yes, I’m generalizing, but I really do catch some bad eggs. It took me a long time to realize my own self worth and realize that I’m not the problem…outside of the fact that I keep engaging with emotionally unavailable men, but the relationship part of it, it’s really not me.

Oh, that’s a good thing to point out. Most of these guys are emotionally unavailable. That’s kind of a thing I look for subconsciously, apparently. I’m trying to replace that trait with something like… oh I don’t know, good cuticles? Nice hairline? A work in progress, but I digress…

These relationships go something like this: We start dating, the first couple of dates are pretty solid and I think there is potential, the red flag goes off around date 3-4, I ignore it or justify it for a bit, then the others pop up shortly after and I bail. I’m definitely a runner. I don’t like to stick around for things that are going nowhere, and I don’t like to waste anyone’s (read: my) time.

And then… they come back. It’s usually something innocent-ish…

Them: “Hey stranger, I was just thinking about you and seeing how you were doing, we should get a coffee sometime.”

Me: “Hey stranger, I heard there’s a great coffee shop that serves dicks, maybe go eat one?”

I’m kidding. I’m nicer than that. (Out-loud).

Anyway, this month has shown a resurgence in fuckboyexminirelationship pop ups. There have been.. wait for it. SIX. SIX of them have emerged to pester me and remind me of bad times past. Am I Scrooge? Do I need to be revisited by my awful history to become a better person?? What the fuck is this.

And then I realized.. cuffing season. These guys aren’t necessarily reaching out to me, but if I’ve learned anything, it’s that these ex-guys do feel comfortable enough to reach out to me, so combine that with the chilly weather and the impending doom of a Christmas spent alone.. and there you have it. Cuffing season.

Public Service Announcement: I am not participating in cuffing season. I have no wish to be sidled up with some mediocre person to feel some body heat when I know there is nothing there. I know I have been down on myself and my situation lately, especially in the love life area, but I am not lowering myself or settling for anything less than as bad as I am. And, a guy who is worth dating will see that I am worth holding on to, and instead of chasing me down a few months later…the right guy won’t let me go to begin with.

xoxo, Tempest. 

One thought on “no. cuffing. please.

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