Tag: singlehood

flagged.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

The hardest thing sometimes in fledgling relationships is seeing red flags. And even harder than seeing the red flags are listening to them, and walking away from them when it’s smart to do so.

Historically, I have had a terrible time with part two of the above statement. I can see red flags all day, sometimes from a mile away, but I am a master at justification. This problem usually rears its ugly head with the emotionally unavailable… those signs are ALWAYS there, yet, do I listen? Nope. Neeewwwp.

On the flip side, are red flags always deal breakers? Do they have to be? Or are they things that one should simply be wary of and use as a warning to proceed with caution? After all, no one is perfect, and when you’re dating in your late 20s – early 30s, it’s really hard to find someone without SOME baggage, amirite?

Here’s the other tough part with red flags, and I know this isn’t something that only I have trouble with (lookin at you, B) – how do we filter out the REALLY bad red flags, the ones we should listen to and/or run away from, before we are emotionally invested in someone? Since these traits don’t always pop up in the first week or two of dating, how do we shield ourselves, while still being open enough to get to know someone? This shit is damn near impossible, people. Or maybe I’m bad at humaning, whatever. But that’s really the ultimate question… how do I know someone’s red flag is a deal breaker, and how do I abort mission before my own feelings are involved?

I don’t have the answers to this, obviously, but one thing I have learned is that people will generally tell you who they are, sometimes it’s just up to us to listen. When a guy says “I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m an asshole,” there’s a really good chance that said guy is, in fact, an asshole. Girls are just notoriously bad for hearing what we want to hear, or making excuses to make a square peg fit in a round hole. Oh well. C’est la vie.

Until next time,

xoxo, Tempest.

 

 

soulmatch.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

index

Let’s talk about soulmates. If you have found this supposed soulmate, hooray! Do not read any further, because I’m only going to piss you off. I don’t think that soulmates are probable. A good dream, yes, but a dream nonetheless. I talked about this over the weekend with my family and we all kind of came to this same conclusion (except my grandma, who decided mine was a boyfriend back in high school for some godawful reason, and oh by the way my aunt’s is her exhusband…**souuuullmatesss**)

Think about for a minute… if there is just ONE person that is made for you, in the ENTIRE WORLD. The whole world, for fuck’s sake. It’s a big world, guys. It’s kind of depressing to consider that there is just one person, that you are somehow magically supposed to find, and everything is magical and everyone lives happily ever after, right? What if your soul mate is someone who lives in a third world country off the grid, how are you supposed to meet them? Life finds a way..? (Yes, read that in Ian Malcolm’s Jurassic Park voice). The other bleak thing about this one-person-is-made-for-you theory is… what about all the people who really really love each other, but maybe.. it’s like a 99% match. Really great but.. not..quite. The soulmate theory means a shitload of people are just hanging out and settling for what is good enough.

I like the idea better, and think it’s much more probable, that instead of this one person we are supposed to find, that there are soul..matches. A soulmatch can be anyone who can just identify with your soul. It doesn’t have to be just one person, either, there could be multiple people, and maybe you’ll come in contact with them… and maybe you won’t. The point is, it’s possible. And it probably would create a lot more happy endings, if instead of trying to find this one unicorn, we find a soulmatch, or maybe multiple soulmatches throughout life, who can understand you for who you are. All your quirks and eccentricies and things that make you you, they can understand, support, and hopefully enrich.

I know at first glance this post seems bitter, but in fact, it’s optimistic. Finding a person in your life who can do this is inspiring, and the idea that it doesn’t have to be locked down to one person living in an igloo somewhere is encouraging. It makes me feel like there is something out there that can work, kind of like my current healthy and successful relationship with pizza. And anything that can rival pizza sounds like a damn good thing.

 

xoxo, Tempest.

 

height:asshole.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you may have read an aside where I mentioned that one of the ways to get to my heart is to be 6’3. If you haven’t been reading my blog for a while, for shame, reader, for shame!! Anyway, I picked 6’3 as a very specific height, and here’s why. I’m 5’10, so you would think I would LOVE a guy who is way super taller than me, like 6’3+. To be honest, I used to. When I met a guy who was 6’5, I would get all giddy, like “Ohemgeeee I get to feel like a little princess like all these short bitches!!” Right?! WRONG.

Here’s the thing about tall guys. Every inch above 6’3, they get an extra asshole point. I’m blanketing this statement…I’m sure there are guys that are very tall and very kind and generous, but the ones I’ve met and dated overall have been pretty strong in the douchebaggery category. Super tall guys think they’re hotter than they are, because they are tall, they get to act like a 9 when in real life they’re barely pushing a 7. Super tall guys think the world has to look up to them and they feel entitled. Super tall guys don’t stop fucking talking about how super tall they are. Yo homie, we can see you! Basically, super tall guys have an aura of being able to treat anyone however they want, because they’re “above you”.

I have said this to tall guys before, usually ones in that safe sub-6’3 zone, and they usually agree, but then point out that shorter guys have the Napoleon complex thing going on. If that is to be believed, that means that all women are basically fucked, because we get either tall assholes or short angry chihuahuas, right? Also wrong. There is definitely a sweet spot, and that sweet spot is 100% accented by character. Guys falling in the average height range seem to have a little more personality, versus guys going into the above average range that start getting cockier by the inch. I can attest to some guys having Napoleon complex in the shorter range, but that’s usually when the extreme lower quartile (5’5 or shorter, in my experience.) With all of this very proven scientific evidence, it is safe to assume the sweet spot probably lies between about 5’6 and about 6’2, give or take. Every inch above 6’3, there is a really good chance you are flirting dangerously with asshole category, and anyone above 6’5, forget it.

All in all, height, while it can be very important, doesn’t outweigh someone’s disposition. I don’t tend to date people shorter than me, not because I judge them at all (you can’t control your height), but because I’m essentially some kind of Amazon woman and I feel humongo in that scenario. However, I would much rather date someone shorter than me than someone who is a complete dick and doesn’t know how to treat other humans.

As a disclaimer, if you’re a tall guy reading this, please don’t be offended, I’m sure there are some good eggs out there. If you’re a tall guy reading this and you are, in fact an asshole, stop. You can still change your ways, and giving a shit about people is way way sexier than just acting like you’re the shit, all the time.

xoxo, Tempest.

#hoesindifferentareacodes

.Reading time 3 minutes.

201, 910, 908, 434, 804, 757, 404, 678, 706, 319, 252, 770, 912, 501, 713, 423, 862, 276, 773,203, 864…

These are all the zip codes of all the people I’ve dated since I was… of dating age. For the record, those are all based on a minimum of one date, so don’t go thinking I’ve REALLY gotten around.. although I think I’ve covered maybe most of the Eastern seaboard at this point.

As a disclaimer, most of these dates happened in my own town and were people who just originated from other places, but a decent amount happened with people I met during travel. I’ve also met people through my career that are based in different cities, and even had a few romantic counters in that arena as well. This may seem strange to some, like what’s the point in dating when you’re traveling, but I think for me it boils down to… curiosity. I love hearing people’s stories and finding out about different ways of life, discovering local places to eat, drink, and hangout, and generally broadening my horizons when meeting new people. Essentially, although I knew the date would likely not end in some great romance, the experience of learning about someone’s upbringing and way of life is intriguing to me.

Okay, bear with me, I know the title references “hoes in different area codes,” but that was just a gimmick to get you to read this. Obviously I don’t consider most of the people I’ve dated hoes. In fact, I try to steer away from them, because I know myself very well and know I can get attached, so pursuing someone that is looking for something purely casual is a good way to get myself hurt fast.

My point here is simply that, I’ve made it a point to date around and to experience new and different people whenever I could. Through this, I’ve quickly determined something about men… they’re all the same, no matter where you go or where you come from. You will always have assholes, and clingers, and yeah maybe a good guy here or there too. It took me a little bit to start putting this all together. I had this crazy idea in my head that I was not as hot in my home city, Atlanta, because guys there tend to go to the fun blonde sorority girls, and that I could date ANYONE I WANTED in another city. This isn’t true, by the way.

My family has always told me they think I should just find a good ole southern boy. I don’t know if that will necessarily happen. There are times when I’ve thought that I should settle down with a guy like that but… I’ve lived that life. I’ve been a southern girl, in a small town, and in a big city. For now, I’ll continue enjoying the exploration that comes my way.

Till next time, Tempest.

 

 

 

 

 

dick pic.

.Reading time 7 minutes.

I’m going to start this post off by saying, gentlemen, there is never a time in life when a girl wants a dick pic for no reason. Never once have I woken up and thought to myself, “You know what would really just make my day better? A random dick pic.” You guys should also know that should you decide to send a random dick pic, it will be screenshotted, shared, and laughed about amongst our friends. This rule doesn’t hold true for requested dick pics, so don’t worry about that.

The guys who usually send random dick pics are, as one could guess, probably pretty proud of their junk and probably a little cocky. This was definitely the case when I received the most oddly timed and very unsolicited dick pic one day, after cancelling a date with the sender.

Here’s the story. I met this guy, and he was admittedly very good looking, but came off a bit cocky. Our first date was rocky to say the least, as he had a very condescending air, but when we talked otherwise he seemed pretty nice so I decided to give him a second chance. The keyword here is SEEMED. We plan a second date, and I’m en route when he calls and says the restaurant we selected has a long wait, so let’s go somewhere else. We were meeting on his side of town, so while I had heard of some of the restaurants, I wasn’t overly familiar with them. He told me of three places nearby and I said “Doesn’t matter to me, I’m good with whatever,” to which he responded “Well, you obviously can’t make a decision, so let’s go here.”

I’m sorry.

The fuck did you just say to me?

I tell him, calmly, I’m actually thinking maybe we aren’t compatible because what he had said came across as condescending, and I was feeling like we might have had some communication gaps and should call it quits before either of us wastes our time. Seems fair, right? Apparently not to him, as he then responded that I was clearly just looking for a free meal and was overreacting. Note: we had been on one date, where we split the check down the middle, so not sure where he pulled that from.

I told him that was fine if he felt that way, but I had a gut feeling that it was a red flag and didn’t think we should waste our time. I stayed pretty factual with the whole thing as to be cool about it, but I have learned not to ignore red flags. He then proceeds to tell me that he would still like to hang out, but because of the way I was acting he would definitely not pay for my food.

At this point I am pretty confused on where this guy gets off. I’m pretty established in my career, and while he may not know exactly how much I make, I drive a fairly decent car and don’t generally look homeless (unless it’s on purpose), so really confused as to where this guy has decided I’m looking for a handout. The fact that he was using paying for my dinner as some kind of punishment or threat though, really set those alarms off even more.

I respond to him by saying, no worries, you don’t have to pay for anything because I’m not going, I really just don’t think this is going to work.

He doesn’t like this.

Something on me reaffirming my decision sets him off. Mind you, I’ve been even-tempered and straight forward this entire conversation. He. Goes. Off. He proceeds to tell me:

  • I’m hopeless and will always be single
  • I can’t appreciate a good man
  • I have self esteem issues
  • I’m a bitch (several times)
  • etc..etc..

I stop responding, because the fact that he is going to this level to try to hurt my feelings after I decide not to continue dating him (after only one date!!) is telling me this guy is riding the crazy train. He finally stops after a few minutes, and I think I am in the clear. Phew!

But, reader, it’s not to be. About 30 minutes later, I get a dick pic, with the caption of “This is what you are missing but if you still don’t want to go out whatever.” Note: we were meeting in the evening, going to a somewhat decent restaurant…this picture was taken with him wearing basketball shorts during the day time. He clearly has this shit on reserve.

Needless to say, I did not respond, as that kind of crazy just doesn’t need encouraging. I definitely shared it with my friends. This guy has also messaged me since then, asking how I am and if I wanted to hang out. Cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Anyway, just to reiterate, don’t send dick pics randomly, to girls you’ve been on one date with, after calling them crazy and doing everything you can to hurt their feelings whilst showing you are fucking loony tunes. It doesn’t end well.

xoxo, Tempest.

solo.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

For the most part, I’ve been in a relationship of some kind since I was probably 16 or so. Throughout high school, most of my relationships were “serious,” by high school definitions anyway. I only dated one guy, but I tended to be a jumper. As in, I would date one guy for a while, until one started showing me a littttle more attention or things seemed to be going downhill with the other guy, and then move on to the next.

This has continued throughout my adult life. I was married young, and luckily divorced young as well. The details of this are another post in itself, so let’s move on.

I was divorced in 2010, which was RIGHT in time for me to jump on the new online dating bandwagon. This made my constant-need-to-have-backup-guys WAY too easy. Since then, I’ve had very few “relationships” that have lasted longer than a few months. Don’t get me wrong, while I may be beautiful and hilarious, I’ve also got a mean case of RBF (read: resting bitch face) and this little problem that my doc calls Generalized Anxiety Disorder and well.. these things like to get in the way. Throw in the fact that I somehow always seek emotionally unavailable, sometimes geographically unavailable men just to keep the challenge all nice and fresh… you see the problem. After the last somewhat promising prospect, I told my friends that if this didn’t work, I was calling it quits for good, and for a while.

They laughed, by the way.

See, being a relationship jumper that I am, and having guys on deck pretty much all the time (sometimes I will have 2-3 that I still keep in tough with JUSTTT in case things don’t work out with the current Romeo), it’s hard to imagine me with no candidates for “Tempest’s Next Fling.” But alas, here I am. I stopped talking to all the maybes, I stopped jumping back in bed with all the emotionally unavailable ones, and now it’s just little ole me by my lonesome.

I am absolutely certain that I will end up trying to date again. And, when I do, I have all intents of doing it right.. ie, stop trying to make things happen that just aren’t going to happen, controlling every situation, and jumping to the worst case scenario the second someone takes 12 minutes to text me back. But in the meantime, I’m going to live up this all the way single life. Right now it still feels weird. I still feel the need to reach out to some of those maybes, the almosts, just to feel that sense of attachment and wanting. But, I need to prove it to myself (AND THE WORRRLDDDD!) that I can do this life thing. On my own.