For the most part, I’ve been in a relationship of some kind since I was probably 16 or so. Throughout high school, most of my relationships were “serious,” by high school definitions anyway. I only dated one guy, but I tended to be a jumper. As in, I would date one guy for a while, until one started showing me a littttle more attention or things seemed to be going downhill with the other guy, and then move on to the next.
This has continued throughout my adult life. I was married young, and luckily divorced young as well. The details of this are another post in itself, so let’s move on.
I was divorced in 2010, which was RIGHT in time for me to jump on the new online dating bandwagon. This made my constant-need-to-have-backup-guys WAY too easy. Since then, I’ve had very few “relationships” that have lasted longer than a few months. Don’t get me wrong, while I may be beautiful and hilarious, I’ve also got a mean case of RBF (read: resting bitch face) and this little problem that my doc calls Generalized Anxiety Disorder and well.. these things like to get in the way. Throw in the fact that I somehow always seek emotionally unavailable, sometimes geographically unavailable men just to keep the challenge all nice and fresh… you see the problem. After the last somewhat promising prospect, I told my friends that if this didn’t work, I was calling it quits for good, and for a while.
They laughed, by the way.
See, being a relationship jumper that I am, and having guys on deck pretty much all the time (sometimes I will have 2-3 that I still keep in tough with JUSTTT in case things don’t work out with the current Romeo), it’s hard to imagine me with no candidates for “Tempest’s Next Fling.” But alas, here I am. I stopped talking to all the maybes, I stopped jumping back in bed with all the emotionally unavailable ones, and now it’s just little ole me by my lonesome.
I am absolutely certain that I will end up trying to date again. And, when I do, I have all intents of doing it right.. ie, stop trying to make things happen that just aren’t going to happen, controlling every situation, and jumping to the worst case scenario the second someone takes 12 minutes to text me back. But in the meantime, I’m going to live up this all the way single life. Right now it still feels weird. I still feel the need to reach out to some of those maybes, the almosts, just to feel that sense of attachment and wanting. But, I need to prove it to myself (AND THE WORRRLDDDD!) that I can do this life thing. On my own.