downright hilarious.
Fact: nothing lasts forever. Right?
I recently watched a movie that talked about impermanence, which is essentially the fact that the only thing constant is change. This is something that everyone more or less knows to be true. It’s something we have always known our entire lives… things will always change. So how does one find happiness through the change?
Happy almost spring, everyone! I apologize for my lack of posting… it turns out that even when I’m not dating I keep myself way too damn busy. The next few weeks are going to be quite the whirlwind!
It is only a few days away from spring, and we have gotten about a foot of snow up my way. Fun times for this southern girl. Hopefully it’ll be over soon and we can get some damn sunshine.
Anyway, I’ve been having a few revelations lately and wanted to jot them down before they left me forever. I’ve been doing the no-dating thing for a couple of weeks now. So, let me just preface this, I will still go on dates, just no online dating. If I happen to meet someone organically, fair game. I am not seeking anyone or anything though. I really have tried to shift my focus to myself. I have found that when I was trying so hard to date, I was really looking for someone who could complete part of me, and make me feel whole, instead of focusing on feeling that way on my own. Now that I am looking at things through this new “I’mma do me” lens, that is glaringly obvious.
My sincerest apologies for the delay in posting. I went on a cruise (yay!) and also had a really solid therapy session this week, which made me a little introspective. I didn’t want to write anything until I had polished up my thoughts and determined the direction I wanted to go with my next post.
First off, cruise was great, yay! I love water.. it gives me life, it makes me happy, and it cures everything.
On to the tough stuff, though. I don’t know how much I’ve written about this before, so if this is repetitive, I apologize. I started going to grief counseling a few months after my mom passed away in 2013. I found that counseling is very therapeutic for me, so continued going regularly. Now it’s a very real part of my life. I am not too prideful to admit that I need help, a lot sometimes. I still deal with hardships as it relates to the grieving process and missing my mom, but most of my counseling sessions nowadays center around my own self worth and growth.
Up until 2013, I loved my birthday, and everything about it. I would make everything a huge birthday bash, and usually would have a pretty good turn out. Since 2013, I still stay very busy around my birthday.. but unfortunately, since then, the birthday excitement is also accompanied by impending birthday dread.
It’s not just the getting older. That’s life, and it kinda sucks, and I do feel a little closer to dying alone every year… but it really boils down to my mom. I’ve written about this before, but my mom made a big fuss about everything holiday and birthday related. She always went over the top for any kinds of celebrations. It was annoying sometimes, but it also made things special. Especially birthdays. It felt like someone was always celebrating you.
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that everyone had a safe and happy New Year’s Eve, and that 2017 is treating you well so far.
Mercury is in retrograde, so I’ve been staying in hermit mode for the past few days. I’m going to keep it low key this week too. I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking over the past week or so, which was triggered by the whole “New Year, New Me” bullshit that everyone pedals during the holiday season.
I am finally fed up with all the fuckboys out there, and maybe it won’t be a new year, new me phenomena, but I am completely done settling for their bullshit, giving them second chances, and exposing myself to people who are not worth my time.
I know I mostly seem to only write about my mediocre love life, but I actually have been wanting to start up a new category for a while. I figure, we have a new year upon us, so why not now?
This new category is called Lyrically Speaking. Aside from spending my time trying to figure out my fucked up life, I really love music. I am not musically inclined, but I grew up dancing (ballet, not exotic, for any pervs out there) and music has always spoken to me.
I find that there is no situation in life that can’t be expressed through music. Anytime I feel down or out, or high and happy, there is always music to back up the mood.
I can also sometimes get a read on a mood before I even really accept it based solely on the type of music I listen to. I’m a huge 311 fanatic, and I notice that when I’m getting into a funk, I’m more likely to listen to 311. Their lyrics are positive, uplifting, and have gotten me through many a bluesy day.
I also have a pretty strong emo kid hiding inside me. I still listen to Fall Out Boy, Dashboard Confessional, Panic! at the Disco.. etc..etc… etc.
Anyway, now that you know the background on this shiny new category, welcome to Lyrically Speaking! I hope you enjoy!
Warning: This post says fuck a lot.
Have you guys heard of this whole “cuffing season” thing? Some strange phenomenon where, during the winter months, these dumb ass boys decide they want to be in a “relationship” because you know…it’s cold, lonely, and generally depressing to be alone on the holidays? Apparently this is a thing. Seriously. Look it up. I’ll wait.
Happy week before Christmas, everyone!
If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, then you know that I recently moved to the Northeast from the dirty South. The past few days, a friend and I went on a NYC Christmas Extravaganza! If you’ve never been in NYC around Christmas, you owe it to yourself to see the city. Everything is decked out, and there is so much to do. I’ve been a bit of a Grinch lately (most people say bitch, but we will Christmas it up), so this was pretty fun for me as a whole.
We went to Bryant Park, which has a whole Christmas Village setup, complete with tree and ice skating. And shops, lots of shops. We went to the Rockefeller Center, of course! And the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall! It was so much fun!
Oh, December. The end of the year. The time when people start thinking about new beginnings, making resolutions that they won’t keep, putting on pounds that they won’t shed, and thinking of all the wonderful things to come…that probably won’t.
And, time to reflect on the year that has passed. 2016. Fuck You, 2016.
I’ve had a few rough years lately. I hope that 2017 will be better, but with my luck lately… meh. I got divorced in 2012. I lost my mom in 2013. 2014 was a blur of trying to figure things out. I almost died in 2015.
And in 2016, I went through a lot of shit with people and relocated my entire existence to a new place where I knew very few people and had little to no support system. So, don’t fault me when I say I don’t have high hopes for the new year.
I will say, though, out of all the shit I’ve dealt with in 2016, the one good thing that has come of it is that I’ve really started to learn who I am, and who my true friends are. It’s been very tough to go through this process… harder than you can probably imagine, but, I hope the payoff will be worth it one day. I found my self worth and stopped letting people take advantage of me or lead me on. I stopped saying yes to appease other people and started calling people out when they were being complete dicks. And I’m slowly starting to learn to embrace being alone, since that seems like a thing for me now.
But really, did 2016 suck for anyone else? I feel like my entire Instagram feed is full of posts about drinking to forget everything, how hard it is to adult, and general self loathing? Or are these just the things I’ve subconsciously sought out?
Sorry for the negative post folks…just feeling a bit bitter these days. Woosahhh.
xoxo, Tempest.
I’m baaaaccckk! This post may be a little lengthy, because I have a lot to say. Also, I know carpe la vie isn’t actually a thing, but it maybe should be.
First, let’s talk about my trip. DR was basically amazing, for several different reasons. It’s a beautiful place, so you can’t really go wrong there.. but I also met some really awesome people. Turns out that wedding crashing has a few perks!
One of the beautiful things about going to a place like the Dominican Republic is the opportunity to completely disconnect. I am admittedly very connected all the time, and I sometimes feel very lost when I don’t have a phone or tablet nearby to stay up to speed on what is going on. In Punta Cana, I was able to step away from that. Ok.. the WiFi sucked ass, so I was partially forced to, but you get the point. I’ve been trying to be better about stepping away from screens, and this was a good opportunity to do that. I didn’t record performances, I didn’t take a shit-ton of selfies (just a moderate ton), and most importantly.. I just focused on the moment.
my therapist says im funny... 