chapter 47.

Ugh, guys, I downloaded a dating app AGAIN! I do not learn from my mistakes, I swear.

However, I must say, I’ve done exceptionally well with weeding out the bullshit. I think this is largely in part to my several month hiatus where I took a few steps back and got real with myself on what I want out of life, and now, these fuckboys can’t bother me because they sure as hell can’t stop me.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my life feels like it’s divided into chapters. The delineation becomes more and more clear with each step and each change. It’s scary to think about just how much I’ve changed sometimes.. and sometimes, I wish I could go back to that younger, simpler me. The one who didn’t have the walls yet from being hurt. The one who hadn’t almost died and developed some serious anxiety because of it. The one who still had her mother by her side.

I think I’m on.. chapter 47 or so right now. If I could rip a chapter out of the book, it would obviously be the whole “getting married too young to a dickface jerkwad” part. If I could re-read one chapter over and over, it would be ones about the last 4 years where I’ve learned to be myself and made friends that could appreciate who I am as well.

Okay, enough depth. Let’s talk about this fucking dating world and this app I have downloaded. Before I get too into the app, let me share my recent romantic interactions. These aren’t all dates, just… interactions.

  1. Got hit on by a DJ. Thought he was really cool. Talked on the phone for hours. DJ turns out to be engaged.
    • WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS?! What a clown.
  2. Got hit on by a bartender. He gave me and J a SHIT TON of mimosas and sangria for free. I mean a literal shit ton. We made out at a random bar on the west side. He got mad that I wouldn’t go home with him. NEXT.
  3. Throughout this, I am PINING over this beautiful man at word, code name Prince Eric. He. Is. Gorgeous.
    • I want to have his children.
    • I was too scared to speak to him for like, 2 months. I’m not even making that shit up.
  4. I made out with a guy I had just met, and that was pretty fun, but hello baggage Batman.
  5. I went on a date with a 23 year old, that was stupid. I knew it was stupid, and I did it anyway, and it was still stupid.
    • Said 23 year old got upset that I didn’t text him one night (when I said I would be out with friends, btdubs) and got all passive aggressive..when I said “yo homie, don’t be passive aggressive” he got defensive, and I exited that situation with great haste.
  6. I got somewhat catfished. We are in the dating app world now, folks. Started talking to a realllly cool guy, but he didn’t look at all like his pics. They were definitely him, but him from like, 10 years ago. And the date was not so hot. Mehhhh. Strike.
  7. Went out with a somewhat younger guy for tacos. Tacos are always good, and can make any awkward date slightly better simply by showing up to the party. The date was just okay. He is cute, and actually looked like who he said he was, so that was refreshing. Conversation is lacking though and I’m pretty sure he plays video games in his parent’s basement.

 

That brings you up to speed on the past 3 months of my dating life! I have a couple of prospects on the app still, so we will see where that leads.

Until next time,

xoxo, Tempest.

whoopsiesss

I accidentally downloaded a dating app yesterday. 

Today the app has been deleted. 

I realized really quickly why I stopped online dating…

Rando Dude: do u like shopping?

Me: no, not really

Rando: what’s your favorite store?

Me: uhmm…I don’t really have one, I don’t really like shopping 

Rando: not even Victoria’s Secret?! 

Me: <deletes app>

13% success rate

My sincerest apologies for the delay in posting. I went on a cruise (yay!) and also had a really solid therapy session this week, which made me a little introspective. I didn’t want to write anything until I had polished up my thoughts and determined the direction I wanted to go with my next post.

First off, cruise was great, yay! I love water.. it gives me life, it makes me happy, and it cures everything.

On to the tough stuff, though. I don’t know how much I’ve written about this before, so if this is repetitive, I apologize. I started going to grief counseling a few months after my mom passed away in 2013. I found that counseling is very therapeutic for me, so continued going regularly. Now it’s a very real part of my life. I am not too prideful to admit that I need help, a lot sometimes. I still deal with hardships as it relates to the grieving process and missing my mom, but most of my counseling sessions nowadays center around my own self worth and growth.

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ugh, my tum tum.

Hey, it’s 2017, and guys are still the worst.

I was supposed to be going out on a date recently, and the guy cancelled on me last minute because he didn’t feel well.

This sounds so innocent and normal, right? Where could I possibly be going with this? Welp, let’s rewind a little bit.

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chivalry is dead, and no one even showed up to the funeral.

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that everyone had a safe and happy New Year’s Eve, and that 2017 is treating you well so far.

Mercury is in retrograde, so I’ve been staying in hermit mode for the past few days. I’m going to keep it low key this week too. I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking over the past week or so, which was triggered by the whole “New Year, New Me” bullshit that everyone pedals during the holiday season.

I am finally fed up with all the fuckboys out there, and maybe it won’t be a new year, new me phenomena, but I am completely done settling for their bullshit, giving them second chances, and exposing myself to people who are not worth my time. 

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you’re like, 12.

…another one bites the dust.

I’m seriously, VERY..VERY close to getting myself to a nunnery. This dating shit is insanely terrible! The next one isn’t too bad, but, ugh. Read on.

This happens to be the most recent guy that I cut off. This guy, codename “Perv,” was extremely cute… except for this stupid goddamn earring. Like, really really cute..butttt also maybe a douche. But, because I thought he was cute and fun, I tried to overlook a lot of stuff. Until..ugh, I just couldn’t anymore. I’m sure you’re wondering, how did this guy get the name Perv? Letttt me just tell you.

This guy, at 33, had responses to general conversation that went something like this:

Tempest: Hey, just got done with hot yoga!

Perv: Oh, I bet you are soaking wet.

Or…

Tempest: Sorry I’ve been quiet, crazy busy at work today.. working on a new project.

Perv: I have a project you can work on.

 

And so on, and so on.

The strange thing is, this guy was completely normal in person. Funny, maybe even charming, did I mention cute? Very cute. But sweet baby Jesus, I felt like I was talking to a prepubescent teenager half of the time.

The other warning signs? If this guy wasn’t making an inappropriate sex joke, he couldn’t take any joke. I tried joking with him several times, and he would make a passive aggressive or condescending comment. Granted, this was via text, so I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it got so bad once that I actually called him to clear things up because he responded in such a shitty way. But really, are you 12?

The straw that broke the camels back… apparently homeboy had a little bit of a drinking tendency. Every time I talked to him, he was on the way to the bar, or hungover, or starting to drink again early on. I am not one to judge anyone’s personal preferences, but you are in your 30’s, and it may be time to give that party life a break. What really did it in was when he chose to start his evening at a bar… an evening we were supposed to be meeting up. Instead of going home and changing out of his grungy construction clothes, he was “forced” into going to a bar, and therefore would be late to meet up with me. Yeah no.

By the way, when I told him I wasn’t going to meet up, he proceeded to tell me how put off he was that I decided not to meet up because he had gone out.

Really? Really dude? Do you honestly think that it’s okay to be late for a date because you needed to stop and get a drink?

Nah son. Cheers, I’m out.

manwhore in training

another recent fun dating-related story. this one didn’t make it to a date, just a phone conversation after matching on bumble.

I don’t consider myself, in any way, a prude. I enjoy sex, but I’m also not a slut. I think sex forms a connection, and therefore shouldn’t be passed around like candy. Have I had casual sex? Sure. But, at 30, it’s not exactly what I’m looking for. 

I matched with this guy online, we are going to call him Jafar, because he’s definitely slightly evil, it’s close to his real name, and he is desperately trying to find a magic carpet for all the Ladieeeeeeesss.

We talk via text for a bit, and decide to talk on the phone. Here, I find out a few fun facts about ole Jafar. 

  • 36 years old and divorced. Fine, I get it, I’m divorced, and I am prepared for that type of background.
  • Actively dating. Sure, cool, me too.
  • Actively dating multiple people simultaneously. Again, okay, I’m talking to several people at most times, but once it gets to more of a “dating” scenario I try to keep it to just a few. 
  • When we say multiple, we mean 5-6 at a time. He likes to keep busy. The red flag starts making an appearance.
  • Oh and by dating, we mean dating, and usually sleeping with. Okay. Wait. You’re sleeping with several women at a time? Woah. We need to discuss.

Once that last fact popped up, I told him that we were probably not a good match, because although I will date a few people to figure out if there is a connection, I don’t think its really conducive to finding a healthy relationship if you’re sleeping with several people. Also, it’s gross. I don’t want to fuck who you’re fucking. If I did, I would go fuck them. 

He seems cool on the phone. He tries to justify it, saying, it’s easier to filter out who is a good match if he is able to explore the situation both “mentally and physically” instead of taking a lot of time with just one person, and that because he’s older, he doesn’t want to waste time. My counterargument: you can’t really get to know anyone if you’re juggling that many at a time, so really, are you saving time? He was steadfast in his opinion. I said hey, good luck to you man, I still feel that way and it’s really a deal breaker for me, but take care. End of conversation.

….hah! not. These guys can’t handle rejection to save their life.

He starts texting me, telling me how he really is safe with his sex life, and I seem smart and have a good head on my shoulders, and he hopes I will reconsider. He continues to say that he’s very loyal and committed… once he commits. Okay, I’m supposed to wait around while you stick your dick in every girl you meet in the meantime? Nah son. I reinforce what I’ve already said. It’s not something I’m okay with, and I’m not going to pretend to be okay with it just for shits and giggles. I’m staying true to me, end of story. 

gdkynm4

Then things start to take a turn… the ugly side comes out. Seriously, what is it with guys not being able to accept a “no? these days? He tells me that he’s an honest guy and that I can’t see that, and every guy is really doing this, but he just is open about it. I’m like.. okay, sure, that may be the case but.. STILL. DOESN’T. CHANGE. MY. OPINION. 

Now he’s ready to try to make a few personal hits. “You’re smart, but you don’t have any of the other qualities that are important to me. Good luck to you, we are obviously not a fit.”

Oh – so it’s my qualities that are lacking? The ones important to you? What are these qualities you speak of, that y]a 30 minute phone conversation releaved I am missing? Is it weakness? Is that a quality I should have and clearly don’t, because I’m not taking your shit? Promiscuity, for not being thrilled to jump in bed with you? 

Oh.

I know.

It’s herpes. This guy is clearly looking for herpes. Good luck with that, Jafar! Pretty sure you’ll have no problem finding that sometime soon. 

xoxo, Tempest.

..but did you die?

Let’s take it from the top on some of my most fun Northeastern dating stories

This one actually isn’t too bad, but the situation irritated me enough to make it to my blog! I went out with a guy kind of randomly on Sunday. Yes, I met this person on the internet, and I KNOW I’m a huge hypocrite, having sworn off online dating at least 71,213 times. But, alas, times are hard for a girl with a strong RBF and an three+ inch height advantage. So, online dating it is.

This guy, for the purpose of anonymity, will be called “Mr. Unresponsive.” This is probably one of the least original nicknames I have ever come up with, because this guy is literally that terrible about responding, and that is the only memorable thing I took away from this encounter.

I’m being mean, I actually really enjoyed myself on the date, but because of what happened after the date, I want to kind of be a bitch about it. I’m a woman, so sue me.

Anyway, Mr. Unresponsive started off as a really bad communicator. Now, I know I am over the top with communication in most circumstances, so I do try to be a little forgiving, especially if I don’t really know someone’s communication style. Anyway, this guy wasn’t really giving me much in the initial chat on the app we matched on, and still didn’t give me a whole lot when we eventually moved to texting. But, I went with it. I thought to myself, hey, maybe it’s a good idea to meet someone with this little information and let it come out on the date, right? Wrong. This is a bad idea.

The date started a little rocky. About an hour before the date, I texted him to confirm we were still on (I do not want to drive and get stood up, yknow?) and he says “Yeah”. So about 30 minutes later I let him know I’m leaving. I don’t hear back from him, but that’s okay, I don’t really need a response.

We were meeting in his town, because me, being a motherfucking nice girl, offered to drive closer to him so he could pick his favorite spot. I am new to the area, after all, and like checking out new places. So, I drive to the place he picks which happens to be right smack in the middle of some goddamn festival.  Which means, there is no way to actually get TO the place. My GPS is all “turn left, turn left,” and I’m like damnit bitch I literally can’t. So, I pull over and text him. “Hey, I’m having trouble finding a way to get to this place, or finding somewhere to park, suggestions?” Nothing. No response. Mind you, it is now about 7:05, we were meeting at 7, and my last message to him was that I was on my way, which he also never responded to.

So, I call him. Natural reaction, right? No answer. So I start driving again, trying to at least decipher where the place is and what side street I can park on, in the middle of a festival, in the middle of a town that I know nothing about, in the dark, with anxiety levels rising through the roof. I was pretty irritated.

A few minutes later he calls back, as I am just finding a spot. He is pretty unapologetic when I’m like “Wow, you chose the most inconvenient place ever.” Anyway, I park and make my way to the restaurant.

First impression, he’s not a bad looking dude, not my normal type but he’s alright. We sit down, we eat, we talk, things seem to actually go pretty well, all things considered. It started off rough, but at the end, I actually felt like it was pretty good.

The date ends, and I head out. I text him to tell him I made it home, and had a great time and let me know if he would like to do it again sometime. No response.

Next day. No response.

Next day. I send him a message saying “How’s your day going?” I’m erring on the side of bold, because I know this guy is probably trying to ghost, and I’m just gonna put a feeler out. After all, he was a pretty shitty texter to begin with, so I try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

No response.

kanye.jpeg

A full goddamn 72 hours later, this guy finally sends something. At this point, I had already written him off as a punk ass bitch for ghosting. His message?

“I had a good time with you, but I didn’t feel a connection, good luck.”

Alright. So at first glance I think, okay, maybe he’s not a bad guy, at least he finally said something and didn’t leave me hanging. But then, I think about it.

I’m sorry, it took you SEVENTY-TWO HOURS to figure this out? You didn’t “feel a connection?” Is there some type of incubation period on connections that I don’t fucking know about? The fuck??

Anyway, it was one date, and definitely not worth any more of my time than I already wasted on this guy, so I just responded “You too, thanks!” Eat a dick. NEXT!

 

hopeless, not romantic

Oh, dating. Dating, dating, dating, how you make me want to throat punch innocent people and steal candy from children. Dating really is the worst. As you may know if you’ve read a few of my posts before, I recently relocated. My stupid ass, as much as I have said I should NOT date, I am very very bad at it… decided to take a swing and go for it.

Guys, it still is a shit show. Dating is SO BAD.

So, I decided to share some of my misery with the interwebs in a new blog section called “Hopeless, Not Romantic

Hopeless, Not Romantic will be your insight into just how bad the dating world is for a 30 year old divorcee. Just how bad men have become these days. Just how sad and miserable it is out here for a pretty decent girl. If you are in a struggling relationship, I implore you, check out Hopeless, Not Romantic…and you will understand how important it is to make the somewhat good ones work. If you are thinking about dating, I implore you, fucking don’t, it’s bad.

I hope that you find my adventures in dating to be amusing, and I look forward to sharing them! Someone really oughta benefit from this dumpster fire that I call a dating life.