Category: Hopeless, Not Romantic.

..but did you die?

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Let’s take it from the top on some of my most fun Northeastern dating stories

This one actually isn’t too bad, but the situation irritated me enough to make it to my blog! I went out with a guy kind of randomly on Sunday. Yes, I met this person on the internet, and I KNOW I’m a huge hypocrite, having sworn off online dating at least 71,213 times. But, alas, times are hard for a girl with a strong RBF and an three+ inch height advantage. So, online dating it is.

This guy, for the purpose of anonymity, will be called “Mr. Unresponsive.” This is probably one of the least original nicknames I have ever come up with, because this guy is literally that terrible about responding, and that is the only memorable thing I took away from this encounter.

I’m being mean, I actually really enjoyed myself on the date, but because of what happened after the date, I want to kind of be a bitch about it. I’m a woman, so sue me.

Anyway, Mr. Unresponsive started off as a really bad communicator. Now, I know I am over the top with communication in most circumstances, so I do try to be a little forgiving, especially if I don’t really know someone’s communication style. Anyway, this guy wasn’t really giving me much in the initial chat on the app we matched on, and still didn’t give me a whole lot when we eventually moved to texting. But, I went with it. I thought to myself, hey, maybe it’s a good idea to meet someone with this little information and let it come out on the date, right? Wrong. This is a bad idea.

The date started a little rocky. About an hour before the date, I texted him to confirm we were still on (I do not want to drive and get stood up, yknow?) and he says “Yeah”. So about 30 minutes later I let him know I’m leaving. I don’t hear back from him, but that’s okay, I don’t really need a response.

We were meeting in his town, because me, being a motherfucking nice girl, offered to drive closer to him so he could pick his favorite spot. I am new to the area, after all, and like checking out new places. So, I drive to the place he picks which happens to be right smack in the middle of some goddamn festival.  Which means, there is no way to actually get TO the place. My GPS is all “turn left, turn left,” and I’m like damnit bitch I literally can’t. So, I pull over and text him. “Hey, I’m having trouble finding a way to get to this place, or finding somewhere to park, suggestions?” Nothing. No response. Mind you, it is now about 7:05, we were meeting at 7, and my last message to him was that I was on my way, which he also never responded to.

So, I call him. Natural reaction, right? No answer. So I start driving again, trying to at least decipher where the place is and what side street I can park on, in the middle of a festival, in the middle of a town that I know nothing about, in the dark, with anxiety levels rising through the roof. I was pretty irritated.

A few minutes later he calls back, as I am just finding a spot. He is pretty unapologetic when I’m like “Wow, you chose the most inconvenient place ever.” Anyway, I park and make my way to the restaurant.

First impression, he’s not a bad looking dude, not my normal type but he’s alright. We sit down, we eat, we talk, things seem to actually go pretty well, all things considered. It started off rough, but at the end, I actually felt like it was pretty good.

The date ends, and I head out. I text him to tell him I made it home, and had a great time and let me know if he would like to do it again sometime. No response.

Next day. No response.

Next day. I send him a message saying “How’s your day going?” I’m erring on the side of bold, because I know this guy is probably trying to ghost, and I’m just gonna put a feeler out. After all, he was a pretty shitty texter to begin with, so I try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

No response.

kanye.jpeg

A full goddamn 72 hours later, this guy finally sends something. At this point, I had already written him off as a punk ass bitch for ghosting. His message?

“I had a good time with you, but I didn’t feel a connection, good luck.”

Alright. So at first glance I think, okay, maybe he’s not a bad guy, at least he finally said something and didn’t leave me hanging. But then, I think about it.

I’m sorry, it took you SEVENTY-TWO HOURS to figure this out? You didn’t “feel a connection?” Is there some type of incubation period on connections that I don’t fucking know about? The fuck??

Anyway, it was one date, and definitely not worth any more of my time than I already wasted on this guy, so I just responded “You too, thanks!” Eat a dick. NEXT!

 

hopeless, not romantic

.Reading time 1 minute.

Oh, dating. Dating, dating, dating, how you make me want to throat punch innocent people and steal candy from children. Dating really is the worst. As you may know if you’ve read a few of my posts before, I recently relocated. My stupid ass, as much as I have said I should NOT date, I am very very bad at it… decided to take a swing and go for it.

Guys, it still is a shit show. Dating is SO BAD.

So, I decided to share some of my misery with the interwebs in a new blog section called “Hopeless, Not Romantic”

Hopeless, Not Romantic will be your insight into just how bad the dating world is for a 30 year old divorcee. Just how bad men have become these days. Just how sad and miserable it is out here for a pretty decent girl. If you are in a struggling relationship, I implore you, check out Hopeless, Not Romantic…and you will understand how important it is to make the somewhat good ones work. If you are thinking about dating, I implore you, fucking don’t, it’s bad.

I hope that you find my adventures in dating to be amusing, and I look forward to sharing them! Someone really oughta benefit from this dumpster fire that I call a dating life.

 

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that’s why she struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed.

flagged.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

The hardest thing sometimes in fledgling relationships is seeing red flags. And even harder than seeing the red flags are listening to them, and walking away from them when it’s smart to do so.

Historically, I have had a terrible time with part two of the above statement. I can see red flags all day, sometimes from a mile away, but I am a master at justification. This problem usually rears its ugly head with the emotionally unavailable… those signs are ALWAYS there, yet, do I listen? Nope. Neeewwwp.

On the flip side, are red flags always deal breakers? Do they have to be? Or are they things that one should simply be wary of and use as a warning to proceed with caution? After all, no one is perfect, and when you’re dating in your late 20s – early 30s, it’s really hard to find someone without SOME baggage, amirite?

Here’s the other tough part with red flags, and I know this isn’t something that only I have trouble with (lookin at you, B) – how do we filter out the REALLY bad red flags, the ones we should listen to and/or run away from, before we are emotionally invested in someone? Since these traits don’t always pop up in the first week or two of dating, how do we shield ourselves, while still being open enough to get to know someone? This shit is damn near impossible, people. Or maybe I’m bad at humaning, whatever. But that’s really the ultimate question… how do I know someone’s red flag is a deal breaker, and how do I abort mission before my own feelings are involved?

I don’t have the answers to this, obviously, but one thing I have learned is that people will generally tell you who they are, sometimes it’s just up to us to listen. When a guy says “I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m an asshole,” there’s a really good chance that said guy is, in fact, an asshole. Girls are just notoriously bad for hearing what we want to hear, or making excuses to make a square peg fit in a round hole. Oh well. C’est la vie.

Until next time,

xoxo, Tempest.

 

 

soulmatch.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

index

Let’s talk about soulmates. If you have found this supposed soulmate, hooray! Do not read any further, because I’m only going to piss you off. I don’t think that soulmates are probable. A good dream, yes, but a dream nonetheless. I talked about this over the weekend with my family and we all kind of came to this same conclusion (except my grandma, who decided mine was a boyfriend back in high school for some godawful reason, and oh by the way my aunt’s is her exhusband…**souuuullmatesss**)

Think about for a minute… if there is just ONE person that is made for you, in the ENTIRE WORLD. The whole world, for fuck’s sake. It’s a big world, guys. It’s kind of depressing to consider that there is just one person, that you are somehow magically supposed to find, and everything is magical and everyone lives happily ever after, right? What if your soul mate is someone who lives in a third world country off the grid, how are you supposed to meet them? Life finds a way..? (Yes, read that in Ian Malcolm’s Jurassic Park voice). The other bleak thing about this one-person-is-made-for-you theory is… what about all the people who really really love each other, but maybe.. it’s like a 99% match. Really great but.. not..quite. The soulmate theory means a shitload of people are just hanging out and settling for what is good enough.

I like the idea better, and think it’s much more probable, that instead of this one person we are supposed to find, that there are soul..matches. A soulmatch can be anyone who can just identify with your soul. It doesn’t have to be just one person, either, there could be multiple people, and maybe you’ll come in contact with them… and maybe you won’t. The point is, it’s possible. And it probably would create a lot more happy endings, if instead of trying to find this one unicorn, we find a soulmatch, or maybe multiple soulmatches throughout life, who can understand you for who you are. All your quirks and eccentricies and things that make you you, they can understand, support, and hopefully enrich.

I know at first glance this post seems bitter, but in fact, it’s optimistic. Finding a person in your life who can do this is inspiring, and the idea that it doesn’t have to be locked down to one person living in an igloo somewhere is encouraging. It makes me feel like there is something out there that can work, kind of like my current healthy and successful relationship with pizza. And anything that can rival pizza sounds like a damn good thing.

 

xoxo, Tempest.

 

height:asshole.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you may have read an aside where I mentioned that one of the ways to get to my heart is to be 6’3. If you haven’t been reading my blog for a while, for shame, reader, for shame!! Anyway, I picked 6’3 as a very specific height, and here’s why. I’m 5’10, so you would think I would LOVE a guy who is way super taller than me, like 6’3+. To be honest, I used to. When I met a guy who was 6’5, I would get all giddy, like “Ohemgeeee I get to feel like a little princess like all these short bitches!!” Right?! WRONG.

Here’s the thing about tall guys. Every inch above 6’3, they get an extra asshole point. I’m blanketing this statement…I’m sure there are guys that are very tall and very kind and generous, but the ones I’ve met and dated overall have been pretty strong in the douchebaggery category. Super tall guys think they’re hotter than they are, because they are tall, they get to act like a 9 when in real life they’re barely pushing a 7. Super tall guys think the world has to look up to them and they feel entitled. Super tall guys don’t stop fucking talking about how super tall they are. Yo homie, we can see you! Basically, super tall guys have an aura of being able to treat anyone however they want, because they’re “above you”.

I have said this to tall guys before, usually ones in that safe sub-6’3 zone, and they usually agree, but then point out that shorter guys have the Napoleon complex thing going on. If that is to be believed, that means that all women are basically fucked, because we get either tall assholes or short angry chihuahuas, right? Also wrong. There is definitely a sweet spot, and that sweet spot is 100% accented by character. Guys falling in the average height range seem to have a little more personality, versus guys going into the above average range that start getting cockier by the inch. I can attest to some guys having Napoleon complex in the shorter range, but that’s usually when the extreme lower quartile (5’5 or shorter, in my experience.) With all of this very proven scientific evidence, it is safe to assume the sweet spot probably lies between about 5’6 and about 6’2, give or take. Every inch above 6’3, there is a really good chance you are flirting dangerously with asshole category, and anyone above 6’5, forget it.

All in all, height, while it can be very important, doesn’t outweigh someone’s disposition. I don’t tend to date people shorter than me, not because I judge them at all (you can’t control your height), but because I’m essentially some kind of Amazon woman and I feel humongo in that scenario. However, I would much rather date someone shorter than me than someone who is a complete dick and doesn’t know how to treat other humans.

As a disclaimer, if you’re a tall guy reading this, please don’t be offended, I’m sure there are some good eggs out there. If you’re a tall guy reading this and you are, in fact an asshole, stop. You can still change your ways, and giving a shit about people is way way sexier than just acting like you’re the shit, all the time.

xoxo, Tempest.

swipe.

.Reading time 10 minutes.

Dating apps. They’re everywhere. There is one for every walk of life, and they keep popping up. They’re out of control. The swiping needs to stop!

Here’s the problem, at least as I see it. There are way too many options, and everyone is always looking for the next best thing, instead of organically getting to know someone. I’m speaking from both experience and observation here.

While I like to think that I’m some dashingly beautiful girl that could just pick up guys wherever I go, realistically, I apparently can come off as intimidating (5’10 and a mean resting bitch face is my best guess) and I tend to stick with my friends when out and about, instead of going full social butterfly mode.  Plus, most of my hobbies are pretty much solo… reading, blogging, running, and Netflix binging, basically, so little opportunity in that arena. That leaves work (probably a bad idea), friends of friends (but then you have friendcest) and stupid online dating. So yeah, I’ve done it. And…

I. Hate. It.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great way to meet people that you may not have met otherwise. Besides that pro though, there are WAY more cons.

  1. Nothing is organic. You go into meeting this person with the intent of something… maybe not a relationship, but something more than just bumping into each other and getting to know each other as friends.
  2. Speaking of being friends… there’s little opportunity for that. You’re almost guaranteed to start as “dating,” or maybe FWB if you’re on a dicier app (coughtindercough). For me, this is really tough, because I would much prefer to be friends with someone before being in a relationship.
  3. Everyone is talking to everyone else. Maybe I just have some deep rooted trust issues, but it’s very hard for me to believe that someone is matching with me, talking to only me, and not comparing me to 345 other girls that they’re talking to. I’m probably doing it to some extent, so why wouldn’t you be?
  4. HOW DO I EVEN KNOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY SINGLE? HOW?!
  5. People swipe while emotional or when drunk. Maybe this isn’t 100% true, but I’ve done it, and I know friends that do it: the emotional swipe. You have a bad day and need attention, or you go through a breakup…swipe away. Drunk obviously creates a beer goggle experience where you are just matching with people that you may not have matched with otherwise. As a reminder: there are people on the other end of that picture. Matching with someone in an emotional or drunk situation may be okay for you, but it kinda sucks for them.
  6. People misrepresent themselves, like… a lot. Hey guys..newsflash! 5’9 doth not equal 6’0. Nor does 5’10. Or 5’11. 6’0=6’0. If you meet someone, they will be able to tell you were lying about this. Through my online dating experience, I discovered that 6’0 was basically the “average” number that guys like to round to for their height. 6’1 seems to be pretty safe, but for some reason, people really like to hit that 6. By the way,it’s okay to be 5’9 and own that shit. I would rather know that going in so I DON’T wear 4 inch heels and tower over you. Just be honest. Also, I really don’t care what you looked like in high school, so how about let’s NOT use that pic, k?
  7. Different apps often have different end goals, and a lot of people cater to that with multiple profiles. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve found a guy on multiple apps with completely different profiles. I understand trying to know your audience a little bit, but what am I really supposed to go by here? “Just looking for fun and a ‘partner in crime'” is the same guy saying he’s “hoping to be great friends first and build on it” WHAT THE ASS,… no wonder I have trust issues. If you have multiple apps, chances are most of your potential matches do too. Also can everyone just cut that partner in crime shit out?!?! I’d be perfectly happy with a partner in pizza.
  8. Check-boxes. This can happen in any relationship, but it seems to happen a lot with online dating. They’re attractive, check. They like food, check.They have a job, and hopefully a car, check. You like music?! OMG IIIII like music too! Check. Here’s the thing about the check-boxes. Think about the best relationship you ever had, friendship or romantic. Did you subject that person to a list of questions before you decided they would be a good friend or partner? Probably not. This kind of ties back into the whole “organic” thing, but you can’t base a relationship solely on the things you have in common, or things you think you want. It’s great to have morals and values, but you could be ruling out a lot of good potentials by making them pass a qualifier test to talk to you. One of my biggest pet peeves in this arena is education level. I have several friends and have come across several people who will not date someone without a college degree. I understand the rationale behind this, but I also think that ruling someone out for this reason alone is somewhat closed minded. For example, I do not have a college degree. I was in school when I had a lot of life changes that required me to be self-supportive, and I started working, and gradually stopped going to school. I now have a great career AND am going back to school, something very hard to juggle and that few people can do. Does this make me inadequate as a human? To many, it does, and that’s honestly very sad (for them, not me, because I’m brilliant and awesome lol).
  9. People act differently when dealing with a screen than they do with a human. When I tried online dating, it was for one main reason… time. I work a lot and my work can be mentally exhausting, and when I’m out with friends, I want to focus on my friends, not trying to meet some random dude. This seems to be the reason that probably…I don’t know, 40-50% of the people I’ve ran into share. And that’s okay, it makes sense in today’s busy world. There are another 20-25% that are looking for hookups, and then another 25% or so that DO NOT. KNOW HOW. TO HUMAN. Seriously. These people can come across as very normal electronically, but in person.. it’s just not clicking. This can be terrifying, especially if they’re good at the normal conversation online, so you go into an IRL meeting expecting the same thing and… wow. yeah. Next.
  10. Courtship. I really miss being courted. Online dating kind of eliminates that to an extent. Okay so bear with me.. I know I said earlier that maybe jumping right into a romantic situation seems unnatural and that I dislike it, and saying that I want to be courted kind of contradicts that. But let’s just assume that you meet someone, you hang out a few times, and you feel like you know what.. I do kind of dig that person. At that point, why is it okay to not try to impress them and put in that extra effort? Yes, I’m sure there are guys out there who would do that, but it seems to be the exception these days instead of the rule.

I could probably go on and on about this, but those are the top ten reasons that I’ve decided that I hate online dating. I know many people have had successful relationships using these platforms but for me… #singleforever!

xoxo,

Tempest.

 

#hoesindifferentareacodes

.Reading time 3 minutes.

201, 910, 908, 434, 804, 757, 404, 678, 706, 319, 252, 770, 912, 501, 713, 423, 862, 276, 773,203, 864…

These are all the zip codes of all the people I’ve dated since I was… of dating age. For the record, those are all based on a minimum of one date, so don’t go thinking I’ve REALLY gotten around.. although I think I’ve covered maybe most of the Eastern seaboard at this point.

As a disclaimer, most of these dates happened in my own town and were people who just originated from other places, but a decent amount happened with people I met during travel. I’ve also met people through my career that are based in different cities, and even had a few romantic counters in that arena as well. This may seem strange to some, like what’s the point in dating when you’re traveling, but I think for me it boils down to… curiosity. I love hearing people’s stories and finding out about different ways of life, discovering local places to eat, drink, and hangout, and generally broadening my horizons when meeting new people. Essentially, although I knew the date would likely not end in some great romance, the experience of learning about someone’s upbringing and way of life is intriguing to me.

Okay, bear with me, I know the title references “hoes in different area codes,” but that was just a gimmick to get you to read this. Obviously I don’t consider most of the people I’ve dated hoes. In fact, I try to steer away from them, because I know myself very well and know I can get attached, so pursuing someone that is looking for something purely casual is a good way to get myself hurt fast.

My point here is simply that, I’ve made it a point to date around and to experience new and different people whenever I could. Through this, I’ve quickly determined something about men… they’re all the same, no matter where you go or where you come from. You will always have assholes, and clingers, and yeah maybe a good guy here or there too. It took me a little bit to start putting this all together. I had this crazy idea in my head that I was not as hot in my home city, Atlanta, because guys there tend to go to the fun blonde sorority girls, and that I could date ANYONE I WANTED in another city. This isn’t true, by the way.

My family has always told me they think I should just find a good ole southern boy. I don’t know if that will necessarily happen. There are times when I’ve thought that I should settle down with a guy like that but… I’ve lived that life. I’ve been a southern girl, in a small town, and in a big city. For now, I’ll continue enjoying the exploration that comes my way.

Till next time, Tempest.

 

 

 

 

 

100 reasons.

.Reading time 2 minutes.

A coworker was telling me that he put together a book with 100 reasons why he loved his girlfriend(#vomit, #sappy), to which I responded.. “I’m pretty sure I don’t even have 100 reasons why I love myself.” So here is my attempt to get as close to 100 as possible..

  1. My hair is usually pretty well behaved.
  2. I have great legs.
  3. And boobs.
  4. My nail beds are fantastic.
  5. I have an excellent memory.
  6. My arms are the best length for taking selfies.
  7. Bone Structure!
  8. I consider myself a considerate person.
  9. I am not petty.
  10. I make a big deal out of birthdays.
  11. I love to celebrate my friends and their accomplishments.
  12. I can hold my own in an intellectual conversation.
  13. I know how to laugh at myself.
  14. My brain absorbs information and holds on to it… making me a great trivia partner!
  15. I’m really good at spelling.
  16. I type fast.
  17. I do things for people that they don’t expect.
  18. I laugh loudly and sincerely.
  19. I am not afraid to say what I feel, even if I know it may not go over well with the other person.
  20. I’m objective, and try to see things from the other side.
  21. I don’t snore.
  22. I’m a good gift-giver
  23. I appreciate the little things.
  24. I can take criticism (even if I don’t agree with it).
  25. I attract awesome friends
  26. I’m organized
  27. I understand technology.
  28. I learn quickly.
  29. I’m both left and right brained
  30. I can analyze problems
  31. I can inspire a team
  32. I make decisions that yield positive change.
  33. I make people laugh.
  34. I am authentic.
  35. I am persistent.

 

Okay that’s all I have for now, but I’m going to keep thinking on this. Phew. This shit is hard.

dick pic.

.Reading time 7 minutes.

I’m going to start this post off by saying, gentlemen, there is never a time in life when a girl wants a dick pic for no reason. Never once have I woken up and thought to myself, “You know what would really just make my day better? A random dick pic.” You guys should also know that should you decide to send a random dick pic, it will be screenshotted, shared, and laughed about amongst our friends. This rule doesn’t hold true for requested dick pics, so don’t worry about that.

The guys who usually send random dick pics are, as one could guess, probably pretty proud of their junk and probably a little cocky. This was definitely the case when I received the most oddly timed and very unsolicited dick pic one day, after cancelling a date with the sender.

Here’s the story. I met this guy, and he was admittedly very good looking, but came off a bit cocky. Our first date was rocky to say the least, as he had a very condescending air, but when we talked otherwise he seemed pretty nice so I decided to give him a second chance. The keyword here is SEEMED. We plan a second date, and I’m en route when he calls and says the restaurant we selected has a long wait, so let’s go somewhere else. We were meeting on his side of town, so while I had heard of some of the restaurants, I wasn’t overly familiar with them. He told me of three places nearby and I said “Doesn’t matter to me, I’m good with whatever,” to which he responded “Well, you obviously can’t make a decision, so let’s go here.”

I’m sorry.

The fuck did you just say to me?

I tell him, calmly, I’m actually thinking maybe we aren’t compatible because what he had said came across as condescending, and I was feeling like we might have had some communication gaps and should call it quits before either of us wastes our time. Seems fair, right? Apparently not to him, as he then responded that I was clearly just looking for a free meal and was overreacting. Note: we had been on one date, where we split the check down the middle, so not sure where he pulled that from.

I told him that was fine if he felt that way, but I had a gut feeling that it was a red flag and didn’t think we should waste our time. I stayed pretty factual with the whole thing as to be cool about it, but I have learned not to ignore red flags. He then proceeds to tell me that he would still like to hang out, but because of the way I was acting he would definitely not pay for my food.

At this point I am pretty confused on where this guy gets off. I’m pretty established in my career, and while he may not know exactly how much I make, I drive a fairly decent car and don’t generally look homeless (unless it’s on purpose), so really confused as to where this guy has decided I’m looking for a handout. The fact that he was using paying for my dinner as some kind of punishment or threat though, really set those alarms off even more.

I respond to him by saying, no worries, you don’t have to pay for anything because I’m not going, I really just don’t think this is going to work.

He doesn’t like this.

Something on me reaffirming my decision sets him off. Mind you, I’ve been even-tempered and straight forward this entire conversation. He. Goes. Off. He proceeds to tell me:

  • I’m hopeless and will always be single
  • I can’t appreciate a good man
  • I have self esteem issues
  • I’m a bitch (several times)
  • etc..etc..

I stop responding, because the fact that he is going to this level to try to hurt my feelings after I decide not to continue dating him (after only one date!!) is telling me this guy is riding the crazy train. He finally stops after a few minutes, and I think I am in the clear. Phew!

But, reader, it’s not to be. About 30 minutes later, I get a dick pic, with the caption of “This is what you are missing but if you still don’t want to go out whatever.” Note: we were meeting in the evening, going to a somewhat decent restaurant…this picture was taken with him wearing basketball shorts during the day time. He clearly has this shit on reserve.

Needless to say, I did not respond, as that kind of crazy just doesn’t need encouraging. I definitely shared it with my friends. This guy has also messaged me since then, asking how I am and if I wanted to hang out. Cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Anyway, just to reiterate, don’t send dick pics randomly, to girls you’ve been on one date with, after calling them crazy and doing everything you can to hurt their feelings whilst showing you are fucking loony tunes. It doesn’t end well.

xoxo, Tempest.