Tag: dating apps

chapter 47.

.Reading time 5 minutes.

Ugh, guys, I downloaded a dating app AGAIN! I do not learn from my mistakes, I swear.

However, I must say, I’ve done exceptionally well with weeding out the bullshit. I think this is largely in part to my several month hiatus where I took a few steps back and got real with myself on what I want out of life, and now, these fuckboys can’t bother me because they sure as hell can’t stop me.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my life feels like it’s divided into chapters. The delineation becomes more and more clear with each step and each change. It’s scary to think about just how much I’ve changed sometimes.. and sometimes, I wish I could go back to that younger, simpler me. The one who didn’t have the walls yet from being hurt. The one who hadn’t almost died and developed some serious anxiety because of it. The one who still had her mother by her side.

I think I’m on.. chapter 47 or so right now. If I could rip a chapter out of the book, it would obviously be the whole “getting married too young to a dickface jerkwad” part. If I could re-read one chapter over and over, it would be ones about the last 4 years where I’ve learned to be myself and made friends that could appreciate who I am as well.

Okay, enough depth. Let’s talk about this fucking dating world and this app I have downloaded. Before I get too into the app, let me share my recent romantic interactions. These aren’t all dates, just… interactions.

  1. Got hit on by a DJ. Thought he was really cool. Talked on the phone for hours. DJ turns out to be engaged.
    • WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS?! What a clown.
  2. Got hit on by a bartender. He gave me and J a SHIT TON of mimosas and sangria for free. I mean a literal shit ton. We made out at a random bar on the west side. He got mad that I wouldn’t go home with him. NEXT.
  3. Throughout this, I am PINING over this beautiful man at word, code name Prince Eric. He. Is. Gorgeous.
    • I was too scared to speak to him for like, 2 months. I’m not even making that shit up.
  4. I made out with a guy I had just met, and that was pretty fun, but hello baggage Batman.
  5. I went on a date with a 23 year old, that was stupid. I knew it was stupid, and I did it anyway, and it was still stupid.
    • Said 23 year old got upset that I didn’t text him one night (when I said I would be out with friends, btdubs) and got all passive aggressive..when I said “yo homie, don’t be passive aggressive” he got defensive, and I exited that situation with great haste.
  6. I got somewhat catfished. We are in the dating app world now, folks. Started talking to a realllly cool guy, but he didn’t look at all like his pics. They were definitely him, but him from like, 10 years ago. And the date was not so hot. Mehhhh. Strike.
  7. Went out with a somewhat younger guy for tacos. Tacos are always good, and can make any awkward date slightly better simply by showing up to the party. The date was just okay. He is cute, and actually looked like who he said he was, so that was refreshing. Conversation is lacking though and I’m pretty sure he plays video games in his parent’s basement.

 

That brings you up to speed on the past 3 months of my dating life! I have a couple of prospects on the app still, so we will see where that leads.

Until next time,

xoxo, Tempest.

swipe.

.Reading time 10 minutes.

Dating apps. They’re everywhere. There is one for every walk of life, and they keep popping up. They’re out of control. The swiping needs to stop!

Here’s the problem, at least as I see it. There are way too many options, and everyone is always looking for the next best thing, instead of organically getting to know someone. I’m speaking from both experience and observation here.

While I like to think that I’m some dashingly beautiful girl that could just pick up guys wherever I go, realistically, I apparently can come off as intimidating (5’10 and a mean resting bitch face is my best guess) and I tend to stick with my friends when out and about, instead of going full social butterfly mode.  Plus, most of my hobbies are pretty much solo… reading, blogging, running, and Netflix binging, basically, so little opportunity in that arena. That leaves work (probably a bad idea), friends of friends (but then you have friendcest) and stupid online dating. So yeah, I’ve done it. And…

I. Hate. It.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great way to meet people that you may not have met otherwise. Besides that pro though, there are WAY more cons.

  1. Nothing is organic. You go into meeting this person with the intent of something… maybe not a relationship, but something more than just bumping into each other and getting to know each other as friends.
  2. Speaking of being friends… there’s little opportunity for that. You’re almost guaranteed to start as “dating,” or maybe FWB if you’re on a dicier app (coughtindercough). For me, this is really tough, because I would much prefer to be friends with someone before being in a relationship.
  3. Everyone is talking to everyone else. Maybe I just have some deep rooted trust issues, but it’s very hard for me to believe that someone is matching with me, talking to only me, and not comparing me to 345 other girls that they’re talking to. I’m probably doing it to some extent, so why wouldn’t you be?
  4. HOW DO I EVEN KNOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY SINGLE? HOW?!
  5. People swipe while emotional or when drunk. Maybe this isn’t 100% true, but I’ve done it, and I know friends that do it: the emotional swipe. You have a bad day and need attention, or you go through a breakup…swipe away. Drunk obviously creates a beer goggle experience where you are just matching with people that you may not have matched with otherwise. As a reminder: there are people on the other end of that picture. Matching with someone in an emotional or drunk situation may be okay for you, but it kinda sucks for them.
  6. People misrepresent themselves, like… a lot. Hey guys..newsflash! 5’9 doth not equal 6’0. Nor does 5’10. Or 5’11. 6’0=6’0. If you meet someone, they will be able to tell you were lying about this. Through my online dating experience, I discovered that 6’0 was basically the “average” number that guys like to round to for their height. 6’1 seems to be pretty safe, but for some reason, people really like to hit that 6. By the way,it’s okay to be 5’9 and own that shit. I would rather know that going in so I DON’T wear 4 inch heels and tower over you. Just be honest. Also, I really don’t care what you looked like in high school, so how about let’s NOT use that pic, k?
  7. Different apps often have different end goals, and a lot of people cater to that with multiple profiles. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve found a guy on multiple apps with completely different profiles. I understand trying to know your audience a little bit, but what am I really supposed to go by here? “Just looking for fun and a ‘partner in crime'” is the same guy saying he’s “hoping to be great friends first and build on it” WHAT THE ASS,… no wonder I have trust issues. If you have multiple apps, chances are most of your potential matches do too. Also can everyone just cut that partner in crime shit out?!?! I’d be perfectly happy with a partner in pizza.
  8. Check-boxes. This can happen in any relationship, but it seems to happen a lot with online dating. They’re attractive, check. They like food, check.They have a job, and hopefully a car, check. You like music?! OMG IIIII like music too! Check. Here’s the thing about the check-boxes. Think about the best relationship you ever had, friendship or romantic. Did you subject that person to a list of questions before you decided they would be a good friend or partner? Probably not. This kind of ties back into the whole “organic” thing, but you can’t base a relationship solely on the things you have in common, or things you think you want. It’s great to have morals and values, but you could be ruling out a lot of good potentials by making them pass a qualifier test to talk to you. One of my biggest pet peeves in this arena is education level. I have several friends and have come across several people who will not date someone without a college degree. I understand the rationale behind this, but I also think that ruling someone out for this reason alone is somewhat closed minded. For example, I do not have a college degree. I was in school when I had a lot of life changes that required me to be self-supportive, and I started working, and gradually stopped going to school. I now have a great career AND am going back to school, something very hard to juggle and that few people can do. Does this make me inadequate as a human? To many, it does, and that’s honestly very sad (for them, not me, because I’m brilliant and awesome lol).
  9. People act differently when dealing with a screen than they do with a human. When I tried online dating, it was for one main reason… time. I work a lot and my work can be mentally exhausting, and when I’m out with friends, I want to focus on my friends, not trying to meet some random dude. This seems to be the reason that probably…I don’t know, 40-50% of the people I’ve ran into share. And that’s okay, it makes sense in today’s busy world. There are another 20-25% that are looking for hookups, and then another 25% or so that DO NOT. KNOW HOW. TO HUMAN. Seriously. These people can come across as very normal electronically, but in person.. it’s just not clicking. This can be terrifying, especially if they’re good at the normal conversation online, so you go into an IRL meeting expecting the same thing and… wow. yeah. Next.
  10. Courtship. I really miss being courted. Online dating kind of eliminates that to an extent. Okay so bear with me.. I know I said earlier that maybe jumping right into a romantic situation seems unnatural and that I dislike it, and saying that I want to be courted kind of contradicts that. But let’s just assume that you meet someone, you hang out a few times, and you feel like you know what.. I do kind of dig that person. At that point, why is it okay to not try to impress them and put in that extra effort? Yes, I’m sure there are guys out there who would do that, but it seems to be the exception these days instead of the rule.

I could probably go on and on about this, but those are the top ten reasons that I’ve decided that I hate online dating. I know many people have had successful relationships using these platforms but for me… #singleforever!

xoxo,

Tempest.