Tag: guys

manwhore in training

.Reading time 6 minutes.

another recent fun dating-related story. this one didn’t make it to a date, just a phone conversation after matching on bumble.

I don’t consider myself, in any way, a prude. I enjoy sex, but I’m also not a slut. I think sex forms a connection, and therefore shouldn’t be passed around like candy. Have I had casual sex? Sure. But, at 30, it’s not exactly what I’m looking for. 

I matched with this guy online, we are going to call him Jafar, because he’s definitely slightly evil, it’s close to his real name, and he is desperately trying to find a magic carpet for all the Ladieeeeeeesss.

We talk via text for a bit, and decide to talk on the phone. Here, I find out a few fun facts about ole Jafar. 

  • 36 years old and divorced. Fine, I get it, I’m divorced, and I am prepared for that type of background.
  • Actively dating. Sure, cool, me too.
  • Actively dating multiple people simultaneously. Again, okay, I’m talking to several people at most times, but once it gets to more of a “dating” scenario I try to keep it to just a few. 
  • When we say multiple, we mean 5-6 at a time. He likes to keep busy. The red flag starts making an appearance.
  • Oh and by dating, we mean dating, and usually sleeping with. Okay. Wait. You’re sleeping with several women at a time? Woah. We need to discuss.

Once that last fact popped up, I told him that we were probably not a good match, because although I will date a few people to figure out if there is a connection, I don’t think its really conducive to finding a healthy relationship if you’re sleeping with several people. Also, it’s gross. I don’t want to fuck who you’re fucking. If I did, I would go fuck them. 

He seems cool on the phone. He tries to justify it, saying, it’s easier to filter out who is a good match if he is able to explore the situation both “mentally and physically” instead of taking a lot of time with just one person, and that because he’s older, he doesn’t want to waste time. My counterargument: you can’t really get to know anyone if you’re juggling that many at a time, so really, are you saving time? He was steadfast in his opinion. I said hey, good luck to you man, I still feel that way and it’s really a deal breaker for me, but take care. End of conversation.

….hah! not. These guys can’t handle rejection to save their life.

He starts texting me, telling me how he really is safe with his sex life, and I seem smart and have a good head on my shoulders, and he hopes I will reconsider. He continues to say that he’s very loyal and committed… once he commits. Okay, I’m supposed to wait around while you stick your dick in every girl you meet in the meantime? Nah son. I reinforce what I’ve already said. It’s not something I’m okay with, and I’m not going to pretend to be okay with it just for shits and giggles. I’m staying true to me, end of story. 

gdkynm4

Then things start to take a turn… the ugly side comes out. Seriously, what is it with guys not being able to accept a “no? these days? He tells me that he’s an honest guy and that I can’t see that, and every guy is really doing this, but he just is open about it. I’m like.. okay, sure, that may be the case but.. STILL. DOESN’T. CHANGE. MY. OPINION. 

Now he’s ready to try to make a few personal hits. “You’re smart, but you don’t have any of the other qualities that are important to me. Good luck to you, we are obviously not a fit.”

Oh – so it’s my qualities that are lacking? The ones important to you? What are these qualities you speak of, that y]a 30 minute phone conversation releaved I am missing? Is it weakness? Is that a quality I should have and clearly don’t, because I’m not taking your shit? Promiscuity, for not being thrilled to jump in bed with you? 

Oh.

I know.

It’s herpes. This guy is clearly looking for herpes. Good luck with that, Jafar! Pretty sure you’ll have no problem finding that sometime soon. 

xoxo, Tempest.

hopeless, not romantic

.Reading time 1 minute.

Oh, dating. Dating, dating, dating, how you make me want to throat punch innocent people and steal candy from children. Dating really is the worst. As you may know if you’ve read a few of my posts before, I recently relocated. My stupid ass, as much as I have said I should NOT date, I am very very bad at it… decided to take a swing and go for it.

Guys, it still is a shit show. Dating is SO BAD.

So, I decided to share some of my misery with the interwebs in a new blog section called “Hopeless, Not Romantic”

Hopeless, Not Romantic will be your insight into just how bad the dating world is for a 30 year old divorcee. Just how bad men have become these days. Just how sad and miserable it is out here for a pretty decent girl. If you are in a struggling relationship, I implore you, check out Hopeless, Not Romantic…and you will understand how important it is to make the somewhat good ones work. If you are thinking about dating, I implore you, fucking don’t, it’s bad.

I hope that you find my adventures in dating to be amusing, and I look forward to sharing them! Someone really oughta benefit from this dumpster fire that I call a dating life.

 

height:asshole.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you may have read an aside where I mentioned that one of the ways to get to my heart is to be 6’3. If you haven’t been reading my blog for a while, for shame, reader, for shame!! Anyway, I picked 6’3 as a very specific height, and here’s why. I’m 5’10, so you would think I would LOVE a guy who is way super taller than me, like 6’3+. To be honest, I used to. When I met a guy who was 6’5, I would get all giddy, like “Ohemgeeee I get to feel like a little princess like all these short bitches!!” Right?! WRONG.

Here’s the thing about tall guys. Every inch above 6’3, they get an extra asshole point. I’m blanketing this statement…I’m sure there are guys that are very tall and very kind and generous, but the ones I’ve met and dated overall have been pretty strong in the douchebaggery category. Super tall guys think they’re hotter than they are, because they are tall, they get to act like a 9 when in real life they’re barely pushing a 7. Super tall guys think the world has to look up to them and they feel entitled. Super tall guys don’t stop fucking talking about how super tall they are. Yo homie, we can see you! Basically, super tall guys have an aura of being able to treat anyone however they want, because they’re “above you”.

I have said this to tall guys before, usually ones in that safe sub-6’3 zone, and they usually agree, but then point out that shorter guys have the Napoleon complex thing going on. If that is to be believed, that means that all women are basically fucked, because we get either tall assholes or short angry chihuahuas, right? Also wrong. There is definitely a sweet spot, and that sweet spot is 100% accented by character. Guys falling in the average height range seem to have a little more personality, versus guys going into the above average range that start getting cockier by the inch. I can attest to some guys having Napoleon complex in the shorter range, but that’s usually when the extreme lower quartile (5’5 or shorter, in my experience.) With all of this very proven scientific evidence, it is safe to assume the sweet spot probably lies between about 5’6 and about 6’2, give or take. Every inch above 6’3, there is a really good chance you are flirting dangerously with asshole category, and anyone above 6’5, forget it.

All in all, height, while it can be very important, doesn’t outweigh someone’s disposition. I don’t tend to date people shorter than me, not because I judge them at all (you can’t control your height), but because I’m essentially some kind of Amazon woman and I feel humongo in that scenario. However, I would much rather date someone shorter than me than someone who is a complete dick and doesn’t know how to treat other humans.

As a disclaimer, if you’re a tall guy reading this, please don’t be offended, I’m sure there are some good eggs out there. If you’re a tall guy reading this and you are, in fact an asshole, stop. You can still change your ways, and giving a shit about people is way way sexier than just acting like you’re the shit, all the time.

xoxo, Tempest.