As I have mentioned before, I use a pseudonym to stay anonymous on this blog, and that name is Tempest. This of course, comes from Shakespeare’s play, The Tempest, which starts out with a pretty fucked up magical storm. I picked this name for a pseudonym because more often than not, I have a pretty stormy personality. It usually applies more to myself than to my situation..until recently. Because damn, if I’m not in a storm right now.
I have written quite a bit recently about my move from the dirty South up to the Northeast. It’s been a bit crazy, and I have definitely gone through a whirlwind of emotions. I’m sad to have left behind the place I’ve called home for the last several years. I almost feel guilty for leaving my friends, even though I know I did it for the right reasons.
I know I’ve said it before, but holy shit I’m terrified that I’m going to just fail and fall flat on my face up here. I don’t know if I will really meet people, people that will have my back. Knowing coworkers is one thing, and I have some great friends that I’ve made over the years that started as coworkers. But what if I don’t meet anyone that I can really connect with? What if I make the same mistakes with friends and relationships that I’ve made my whole life? What if I end up not only alone, but ridiculously unhappy?
One of my biggest fears is feeling like I will never really fit in anywhere. That I will always be the odd one out. I will never truly belong.
These are the thoughts going through my head during this uprooting. These kinds of thoughts, on top of the fact that I am still trying to get settled, spending a shit ton of money on furnishing a new place, and trying to find a groove in general. It’s a lot. Oh, this is all happening whilst I am still working my old job and my new one, by the way. I’m hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully I will start to see it soon.