Tag: freedom

the freedom cage.

.Reading time 5 minutes.

I’ve been terrible at posting. I keep thinking of all of the things that I need to say, and sometimes it just takes me a while to get my head around them enough to put my thoughts into words.

A few updates, and then a few thoughts on something that has been on my mind lately: how easy it is to become caged by freedom.

So, on dating. I will have a new post soon about someone I met recently. Yes, this person deserves their very own post. But for any consistent readers, everyone referenced in Chapter 47 is long gone. And that definitely includes Prince Eric, who turned out to be quite the asshole. I can’t say that I’m surprised, and thank god that infatuation is over.

What else is new… I got a promotion at work! I feel like quite the badass for being promoted within a year. It makes it feel so worth it to have made the move and made such a big change in my life. Onward and upward!

One of the things that I have cherished in my adult life is the ability to have the freedom to do what I want. Things like uprooting and moving to a new state and starting a new chapter, without having to answer to anyone. But sometimes, I think we can become caged by our freedom.

I think this has happened to me to an extent, and it has definitely impacted who I am. I have focused so much on being free and living a full life that I design, that I’ve subsequently kept people and relationships at arm’s length. It’s only recently that I’ve realized how imprisoning freedom can actually be. Yes, I can pick up and start over at any point, because it’s just me. But at the same time, it’s just me. Staying in the same place through life allows you to build substantial long term relationships, and I haven’t done that. I’ve moved every few years and started over.

On one hand, it’s exhilarating to be able to start anew. You can rebuild who you are. You can learn new experiences. You can challenge yourself to do things you’ve never done before. You can surprise yourself by achieving things that seem so out of reach to so many people. On the other, it’s terrifying. It causes you to isolate yourself. Trust only yourself. Feel alone and like you only have yourself to rely on.

I’m at a point now where I want to be able to really start settling in my life, and stop constantly hunting for this idea of freedom. I want to surround myself with people who challenge me, instead of just putting myself into challenging situations. I want to do the things I’ve never done before by discovering new depths within myself, instead of discovering a new area code. I want to learn to let my guard down and share my achievements with people who care about me.

I will not say that some of these things don’t already happen, because they absolutely do. I am lucky to have a few very good friends and people in my life. I just know that this is something that I can improve on. I can be a stronger, better me by learning to let myself live in a way that doesn’t require me to always seek a new challenge. That’s what is interesting about the idea of escaping the freedom cage. Maybe letting go of the idea of chasing freedom will be the most freeing thing I experience.

Until next time!

xoxo

Tempest.

here’s a post that is about me, and not boys.

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Okay, it’s maybe a little about boys. Well.. relationships, as always.

I’ve been doing okay with the whole dating thing. I met a guy who actually seems like a really good guy, which I feel like was getting tough and making me extremely bitter towards the whole dating scene. Great, right? Wrong! Have you met me?! I am the queen of overthinking everything, and I can break things so very easily. Sometimes, I even break them on purpose. I’ve mentioned before that I like to push people away. It’s like pushing a glass vase off of a shelf to see if it breaks. Guess what… it does! And then you’re all pissed off because you had this lovely glass vase and now, gone. Shattered. Kaput. 

Anyway, I haven’t done this yet with this one, but I have noticed something that I thought was worth writing about.

When my walls come down, theirs go up. I think this is because I start any relationship EXTREMELY guarded, and when I start letting someone in, they get this full 100% blast of Tempest that they maybe didn’t expect and certainly weren’t prepared for. Hence: walls. Like oh shit, this girl has a super strong personality and I don’t know how to human anymore! (They probably aren’t thinking that, but you get the gist…)

The new challenge I am now facing is how do I let enough of my true self shine through in the beginning, without feeling vulnerable and afraid to peek over my very well built and well maintained walls. In theory, I should start breaking some of them down. I know this. But guys, I have worked a LONG time on building these bitches up, the idea of tearing them down is terrifying.

Or could it be that I just haven’t met the right person that can handle the me that is scared, and hides, and is afraid to love, but also the me who is passionate, and brave, and over the top? Can I be allowed to have my walls sometimes, but still have someone see me as me? Is that a thing?

Until next time!

XOXO, Tempest.

the little things.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

I am stuck at work today… and I woke up being a little pissed off about it, especially watching all my friends and family have a grand ole time while I am tethered to a desk. I then thought about how utterly selfish this actually is. Celebrating Memorial Day is more than just the start of the summer season and an extra day off of work, it represents those who sacrificed for us to enjoy the life we have today. And while that life may seem hard sometimes, I thought I would take a few moments to reflect on the little things that I get to enjoy just by being alive, in this country, in this day and age.

For the most part, we have it good. There is a lot of heat right now over politics, for obvious reasons, but even in the WORST case scenario on the upcoming election (insert your version of worst case scenario here).. we still have a lot more freedom and privilege than many people throughout the world. Yes, I started this post with complaining about work.. but, on the flip-side, as an American woman I have the opportunity to work… I can earn my own living, I can progress in the workforce with more equality than existed 50 years ago. I can stand by myself and make my own way, I can be independent, I can build the life I want. BY MYSELF. That’s pretty enviable, if you ask me. I have the freedom to write my thoughts down for the entire internet to read…even though it’s really like, 5 people, the entire internet COULD, in theory, read this. Not only that, but I can choose to be married or divorced or a cat-lady or whatever I want, I can live my life without having kids and that’s okay, and I can vote. Boom.

Take some time to reflect today on the reasons you are proud to be an American. Now that I’ve gotten the serious stuff out of the way, here are a few miscellaneous on why I efffing love this country.

  1. McDonald’s Coke. I’m 900000% sure no other country’s McDonald’s has the exact formula that ours does. It’s effective at both being refreshing and curing hangovers.
  2. We don’t eat cats, I get to just have my cat and no one will take her and eat her. I’m pretty sure about this, anyway.
  3. AIR CONDITIONING FUCK YES.
  4. Beer. Craft beer, specifically. Yes, I know other countries have this. Ours is better.
  5. We are a melting pot of cultures and ethnic backgrounds. I can date whoever I want and it’s pretty much okay now, which is kind of amazing.
  6. Freedom of religion, or lack thereof. I’m not an overly religious person, but I do think it’s very interesting, especially hearing about other religious practices and belief systems.
  7. Super fast pizza delivery.
  8. Football.
  9. Bacon. And Cheese. On. EVERYTHING.
  10. People can dress in flags and it’s really nbd, and that’s awesome.

Murica.

XOXO, Tempest.