Tag: happiness

brb, life.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

Hey folks.. I know I’ve been a little quiet lately, mainly because I’ve been sooo damn busy (As always!). I regret to say I will probably not be posting for another week or so. When I say regret, I am 100% lying. As it turns out, I am heading out of the country to the Dominican Republic for a friend of a friend’s wedding (yeah, I’m crashing, so what?!) and will be off the grid for about a week! There’s a real good chance I don’t come back.. I would say I’m going to go live off the land but uh, let’s be real, I wouldn’t make it a day if I had to fend for myself. 

Anyway, here are some quick updates on my current situation and how I’m doing. I’m actually hanging in there. The whole moving across the country thing and having to start from scratch in life isn’t beating me down so badly. I’ve had a few rough patches, sure, but overall things are looking up. 

This time of the year is definitely hard for me with the holidays. I completely miss my mom. My mom was insane about holidays, she was always the one overdoing it and making everything a big deal, so her absence is even more noticable during this time of the year. However, with Thanksgiving coming up, I’ve started reflecting on my life. Yeah, I don’t have a mom anymore, and that sucks, but there are a lot of things I DO have, and some of those things are pretty badass.

  1. I have an amazing ability to make friends, and am lucky to have some already to spend Thanksgiving with up here in the northeast. Seriously, this would suck if I hadn’t met a few really kickass people.
  2. I’m kind of a superhero. Humble, I know. I have a tendency to be very, VERY hard on myself. I’m going to be single forever, I struggle with my weight, but when I really break it down, I feel like I am strong and driven and successful… much more than I let on. I’m 30 years old and in a very respectable position in my company. I’ve gotten promoted every 2 years for the last 10. I’m doing this while going back to school and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. That’s pretty commendable, if I do say so myself.
  3. I’m not a shitty person. The world is really quite full of people who are just…well…bad (coughdonaldtrumpcough) these days. People have become crass. They don’t care. They don’t consider how the things they do impact other humans. While it may be seen as weakness to some, I am proud to be empathetic and a caretaker of the people who are important to me. I’m glad to have goals and values and morals. I’m okay with being alone if it means I am not settling and am focusing on being with people who only make me better. 

With those extra deep insights said, I will now leave you guys here in the digital world to go partake in a connection-free life for a bit. Amazing pictures coming soon!
XOXO, Tempest. 

flagged.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

The hardest thing sometimes in fledgling relationships is seeing red flags. And even harder than seeing the red flags are listening to them, and walking away from them when it’s smart to do so.

Historically, I have had a terrible time with part two of the above statement. I can see red flags all day, sometimes from a mile away, but I am a master at justification. This problem usually rears its ugly head with the emotionally unavailable… those signs are ALWAYS there, yet, do I listen? Nope. Neeewwwp.

On the flip side, are red flags always deal breakers? Do they have to be? Or are they things that one should simply be wary of and use as a warning to proceed with caution? After all, no one is perfect, and when you’re dating in your late 20s – early 30s, it’s really hard to find someone without SOME baggage, amirite?

Here’s the other tough part with red flags, and I know this isn’t something that only I have trouble with (lookin at you, B) – how do we filter out the REALLY bad red flags, the ones we should listen to and/or run away from, before we are emotionally invested in someone? Since these traits don’t always pop up in the first week or two of dating, how do we shield ourselves, while still being open enough to get to know someone? This shit is damn near impossible, people. Or maybe I’m bad at humaning, whatever. But that’s really the ultimate question… how do I know someone’s red flag is a deal breaker, and how do I abort mission before my own feelings are involved?

I don’t have the answers to this, obviously, but one thing I have learned is that people will generally tell you who they are, sometimes it’s just up to us to listen. When a guy says “I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m an asshole,” there’s a really good chance that said guy is, in fact, an asshole. Girls are just notoriously bad for hearing what we want to hear, or making excuses to make a square peg fit in a round hole. Oh well. C’est la vie.

Until next time,

xoxo, Tempest.

 

 

change.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I suspect I will be posting a lot more in the coming weeks, since I have so much change ahead of me and will need to go on a few rants here and there.

Tonight is my final night in Atlanta. Phew. It has absolutely not sunk in yet.

I have been reflecting today on how I want to use this upcoming fresh start to my advantage. I have this golden opportunity to start brand new, and to really be the person I want to be. The question is… who the fuck is that?

To tackle this question, I’ve come up with three main focus areas for my new life.

One of the problems I find myself running into is that I don’t really know how to let myself let go sometimes. I am lacking a chill zone. I like to plan, I like things to go accordingly, I like when things fall into place. But the thing about life is.. it doesn’t really like letting that happen. And then I end up stressed out, anxious, worried, pushing people away, getting myself into a funk and… for what? Step one in new life: Chill. The Fuck. Out.

Another recurring theme in my life is my problems with interpersonal relationships. I used to think this was just romantic relationships, but I have recently realized I have issues with pretty much all relationships. I am great at making friends and being very social, but I am not so good at connecting with people on a deeper level. This is partially because I keep a pretty solid wall up to protect myself, which does work but… while it keeps me safe, it also keeps people from being able to get to know the truly weird and wonderful me. Step two in new life: Be who I really am, and if people don’t like it they can suck it. 

The third step is the hardest. I am deathly afraid of ending up alone or not being cared about. I say I am happy being single, and in a lot of ways I am, but in many ways I feel like I’m always looking for that next great love. However, I also know that before I conquer steps 1&2, I am not ready for it, and all I am doing is setting myself up for failure if I try to force it. I. am not. ready. I know that. I can’t let things flow, I am not open. As mentioned above, I know this, and am ready to take the steps to get there, but logically, I need to be alone. I need to be alone to experience my life and what I want out of it before I try to bring another person in at that level. Step three in new life: stand strong by myself, for myself. 

My next post will be from another state!! Woooo!

xoxo, Tempest.

departure.

.Reading time 3 minutes.

So hey, I’m moving in like.. 3 days. When do I get to FULLY freak out? Now? Is now okay?

Realistically, I have had about 1.5 solid panic attacks this week. One real good one, the other I was able to catch and kill before it really took hold. Now, as I sit here and wait for Salvation Army to come pick up a ton of shit, I am finally starting to feel a little tiny bit okay with everything. It is definitely going to be really hard the next few days, but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And with that, I decided maybe it was a good time to jot down a few reasons to be excited! Read More

drained.

.Reading time 4 minutes.

I’ve written a lot about my struggles with romantic relationships on this blog, but lately I’ve also thought about friendships, and how I have let the toxic ones impact me over the years. The same problems that get me in trouble with dating also get me in trouble with friendships, but it usually takes much, much longer for me to realize it. If I’ve invested a lot of time and energy, saying no or stepping away from someone becomes very hard for me, if not damn near impossible.

It’s time to say no. I have to learn to say no to things that are not okay for me.

My problem, you see, is I naturally want to take care of people. This means I tend to seek out romantic partners and friends that probably need to be taken care of in some way. Not calling anyone broken, but I tend to find people that are maybe not whole enough in themselves to be in a functional, healthy relationship themselves. In dating, I find out VERY quickly that my natural tendency to “caretake” won’t be reciprocated (note, I don’t always expect it to be, but you know.. it is nice sometimes damnit). In friendships, however, it can take months or years to find out that some people just don’t care or maybe aren’t worth the investment.

The end result is I spend a lot of time trying to make people happy, and in return I am left drained. 

I’ve talked to my therapist quite a bit about this, and how I can work on determining where to draw my own boundaries. I do have some very great friends, but I have many over the years that I have given my power to, and it’s gotten me hurt. I’ve put my trust in people that I thought would have my back, when all they wanted to do was thrust a knife into it for their own means. Sadly, in a lot of these situations I’ve seen the writing on the wall, but I’m so scared to just say “no” to someone that I still let it happen. I don’t want to look like a bitch, or look selfish, or look like I don’t care about someone that I’m close to. I’ve realized now that although it might hurt to put up these boundaries, and it may be hard for me to say no, it’s going to hurt a whole hell of a lot worse when I inevitably get burned by someone exhibiting these red flags. 

As much as I wish to have the power to do so, I can’t change anyone. All I can change is myself, the amount of myself that I am willing to give to other people, and how I react to situations. I am the writer of my own story, and the only one who gets to say how I live my life is me.

appreciate.

.Reading time 1 minute.

Sorry for the gap in posting!! I just got back from a much needed vacation before starting a longgggg few weeks of work.

My vacation was pretty awesome. I got to hang out with good friends, drink a lot of booze, and revisit my happy place… Cozumel. I always hear people talk about how overrated Cozumel and many cities in Mexico are, but I absolutely love this place. Not the super touristy parts of course, but the pure and natural beauty of the island. Crystal clear turquoise waters, shimmering sands, and perfect blue skies.

Going to places like this really make you stop, think, and appreciate what you have. Appreciate the fact that you’re alive to visit this place, that you have the means to get there, that you can feel the sand under your toes and the breeze on your face. Smell the salty ocean air. I am very hard on myself 99% of the time, and going to “my happy place” reminds me that it’s okay to let go of cares and worries, at least for a little while.