Tag: emotions

here’s a post that is about me, and not boys.

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Okay, it’s maybe a little about boys. Well.. relationships, as always.

I’ve been doing okay with the whole dating thing. I met a guy who actually seems like a really good guy, which I feel like was getting tough and making me extremely bitter towards the whole dating scene. Great, right? Wrong! Have you met me?! I am the queen of overthinking everything, and I can break things so very easily. Sometimes, I even break them on purpose. I’ve mentioned before that I like to push people away. It’s like pushing a glass vase off of a shelf to see if it breaks. Guess what… it does! And then you’re all pissed off because you had this lovely glass vase and now, gone. Shattered. Kaput. 

Anyway, I haven’t done this yet with this one, but I have noticed something that I thought was worth writing about.

When my walls come down, theirs go up. I think this is because I start any relationship EXTREMELY guarded, and when I start letting someone in, they get this full 100% blast of Tempest that they maybe didn’t expect and certainly weren’t prepared for. Hence: walls. Like oh shit, this girl has a super strong personality and I don’t know how to human anymore! (They probably aren’t thinking that, but you get the gist…)

The new challenge I am now facing is how do I let enough of my true self shine through in the beginning, without feeling vulnerable and afraid to peek over my very well built and well maintained walls. In theory, I should start breaking some of them down. I know this. But guys, I have worked a LONG time on building these bitches up, the idea of tearing them down is terrifying.

Or could it be that I just haven’t met the right person that can handle the me that is scared, and hides, and is afraid to love, but also the me who is passionate, and brave, and over the top? Can I be allowed to have my walls sometimes, but still have someone see me as me? Is that a thing?

Until next time!

XOXO, Tempest.

swipe.

.Reading time 10 minutes.

Dating apps. They’re everywhere. There is one for every walk of life, and they keep popping up. They’re out of control. The swiping needs to stop!

Here’s the problem, at least as I see it. There are way too many options, and everyone is always looking for the next best thing, instead of organically getting to know someone. I’m speaking from both experience and observation here.

While I like to think that I’m some dashingly beautiful girl that could just pick up guys wherever I go, realistically, I apparently can come off as intimidating (5’10 and a mean resting bitch face is my best guess) and I tend to stick with my friends when out and about, instead of going full social butterfly mode.  Plus, most of my hobbies are pretty much solo… reading, blogging, running, and Netflix binging, basically, so little opportunity in that arena. That leaves work (probably a bad idea), friends of friends (but then you have friendcest) and stupid online dating. So yeah, I’ve done it. And…

I. Hate. It.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great way to meet people that you may not have met otherwise. Besides that pro though, there are WAY more cons.

  1. Nothing is organic. You go into meeting this person with the intent of something… maybe not a relationship, but something more than just bumping into each other and getting to know each other as friends.
  2. Speaking of being friends… there’s little opportunity for that. You’re almost guaranteed to start as “dating,” or maybe FWB if you’re on a dicier app (coughtindercough). For me, this is really tough, because I would much prefer to be friends with someone before being in a relationship.
  3. Everyone is talking to everyone else. Maybe I just have some deep rooted trust issues, but it’s very hard for me to believe that someone is matching with me, talking to only me, and not comparing me to 345 other girls that they’re talking to. I’m probably doing it to some extent, so why wouldn’t you be?
  4. HOW DO I EVEN KNOW YOU’RE ACTUALLY SINGLE? HOW?!
  5. People swipe while emotional or when drunk. Maybe this isn’t 100% true, but I’ve done it, and I know friends that do it: the emotional swipe. You have a bad day and need attention, or you go through a breakup…swipe away. Drunk obviously creates a beer goggle experience where you are just matching with people that you may not have matched with otherwise. As a reminder: there are people on the other end of that picture. Matching with someone in an emotional or drunk situation may be okay for you, but it kinda sucks for them.
  6. People misrepresent themselves, like… a lot. Hey guys..newsflash! 5’9 doth not equal 6’0. Nor does 5’10. Or 5’11. 6’0=6’0. If you meet someone, they will be able to tell you were lying about this. Through my online dating experience, I discovered that 6’0 was basically the “average” number that guys like to round to for their height. 6’1 seems to be pretty safe, but for some reason, people really like to hit that 6. By the way,it’s okay to be 5’9 and own that shit. I would rather know that going in so I DON’T wear 4 inch heels and tower over you. Just be honest. Also, I really don’t care what you looked like in high school, so how about let’s NOT use that pic, k?
  7. Different apps often have different end goals, and a lot of people cater to that with multiple profiles. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve found a guy on multiple apps with completely different profiles. I understand trying to know your audience a little bit, but what am I really supposed to go by here? “Just looking for fun and a ‘partner in crime'” is the same guy saying he’s “hoping to be great friends first and build on it” WHAT THE ASS,… no wonder I have trust issues. If you have multiple apps, chances are most of your potential matches do too. Also can everyone just cut that partner in crime shit out?!?! I’d be perfectly happy with a partner in pizza.
  8. Check-boxes. This can happen in any relationship, but it seems to happen a lot with online dating. They’re attractive, check. They like food, check.They have a job, and hopefully a car, check. You like music?! OMG IIIII like music too! Check. Here’s the thing about the check-boxes. Think about the best relationship you ever had, friendship or romantic. Did you subject that person to a list of questions before you decided they would be a good friend or partner? Probably not. This kind of ties back into the whole “organic” thing, but you can’t base a relationship solely on the things you have in common, or things you think you want. It’s great to have morals and values, but you could be ruling out a lot of good potentials by making them pass a qualifier test to talk to you. One of my biggest pet peeves in this arena is education level. I have several friends and have come across several people who will not date someone without a college degree. I understand the rationale behind this, but I also think that ruling someone out for this reason alone is somewhat closed minded. For example, I do not have a college degree. I was in school when I had a lot of life changes that required me to be self-supportive, and I started working, and gradually stopped going to school. I now have a great career AND am going back to school, something very hard to juggle and that few people can do. Does this make me inadequate as a human? To many, it does, and that’s honestly very sad (for them, not me, because I’m brilliant and awesome lol).
  9. People act differently when dealing with a screen than they do with a human. When I tried online dating, it was for one main reason… time. I work a lot and my work can be mentally exhausting, and when I’m out with friends, I want to focus on my friends, not trying to meet some random dude. This seems to be the reason that probably…I don’t know, 40-50% of the people I’ve ran into share. And that’s okay, it makes sense in today’s busy world. There are another 20-25% that are looking for hookups, and then another 25% or so that DO NOT. KNOW HOW. TO HUMAN. Seriously. These people can come across as very normal electronically, but in person.. it’s just not clicking. This can be terrifying, especially if they’re good at the normal conversation online, so you go into an IRL meeting expecting the same thing and… wow. yeah. Next.
  10. Courtship. I really miss being courted. Online dating kind of eliminates that to an extent. Okay so bear with me.. I know I said earlier that maybe jumping right into a romantic situation seems unnatural and that I dislike it, and saying that I want to be courted kind of contradicts that. But let’s just assume that you meet someone, you hang out a few times, and you feel like you know what.. I do kind of dig that person. At that point, why is it okay to not try to impress them and put in that extra effort? Yes, I’m sure there are guys out there who would do that, but it seems to be the exception these days instead of the rule.

I could probably go on and on about this, but those are the top ten reasons that I’ve decided that I hate online dating. I know many people have had successful relationships using these platforms but for me… #singleforever!

xoxo,

Tempest.