I’ve been out of my element for about two weeks now, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t wearing on me a little bit. It is very strange. I feel… Out of sorts. I don’t really know anyone here. When I say this to my friends back home everyone is like, “What, you? You have all kinds of friends!” No, no. I do not have many, if any, friends here. I have acquaintances. I’m surprisingly adept at making acquaintances, to the point where I would consider meeting people and striking a common chord a super power.
People who have my back though… Different story altogether.
Mix that with my amazingly wide open social calendar and yeah, not the best feeling in the world I guess. I’m not used to having nothing to do, and it gets me down. It puts me in a spot where I want to just do nothing. I don’t feel like going out and meeting people and having to be cool girl right now. I don’t feel like having to put on a smile 24 fucking 7 when really I want to veg out and feel sorry for myself. Work is great, and I’m damn good at my job, but fuck, I’m lonely. I’m not good at being lonely. Being alone, absolutely. Lonely… Not so much.
The worst part is, I don’t even have anyone I can really talk to about it. My friends back home are trucking along. I don’t have anyone here really so… I guess I can talk to my cat? Ugh. This life.
Anyway, hopefully this won’t last long. I’m going to try and just focus on work and getting my new place all prettied up and go from there. It’ll work out, one way or another. It always does.