Tag: life

chivalry is dead, and no one even showed up to the funeral.

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Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that everyone had a safe and happy New Year’s Eve, and that 2017 is treating you well so far.

Mercury is in retrograde, so I’ve been staying in hermit mode for the past few days. I’m going to keep it low key this week too. I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking over the past week or so, which was triggered by the whole “New Year, New Me” bullshit that everyone pedals during the holiday season.

I am finally fed up with all the fuckboys out there, and maybe it won’t be a new year, new me phenomena, but I am completely done settling for their bullshit, giving them second chances, and exposing myself to people who are not worth my time. 

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lyrically speaking…

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I know I mostly seem to only write about my mediocre love life, but I actually have been wanting to start up a new category for a while. I figure, we have a new year upon us, so why not now?

This new category is called Lyrically Speaking. Aside from spending my time trying to figure out my fucked up life, I really love music. I am not musically inclined, but I grew up dancing (ballet, not exotic, for any pervs out there) and music has always spoken to me.

I find that there is no situation in life that can’t be expressed through music. Anytime I feel down or out, or high and happy, there is always music to back up the mood.

I can also sometimes get a read on a mood before I even really accept it based solely on the type of music I listen to. I’m a huge 311 fanatic, and I notice that when I’m getting into a funk, I’m more likely to listen to 311. Their lyrics are positive, uplifting, and have gotten me through many a bluesy day.

I also have a pretty strong emo kid hiding inside me. I still listen to Fall Out Boy, Dashboard Confessional, Panic! at the Disco.. etc..etc… etc.

Anyway, now that you know the background on this shiny new category, welcome to Lyrically Speaking! I hope you enjoy!

no. cuffing. please.

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Warning: This post says fuck a lot.

Have you guys heard of this whole “cuffing season” thing? Some strange phenomenon where, during the winter months, these dumb ass boys decide they want to be in a “relationship” because you know…it’s cold, lonely, and generally depressing to be alone on the holidays? Apparently this is a thing. Seriously. Look it up. I’ll wait.

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christmas in new york

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Happy week before Christmas, everyone!

If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, then you know that I recently moved to the Northeast from the dirty South. The past few days, a friend and I went on a NYC Christmas Extravaganza! If you’ve never been in NYC around Christmas, you owe it to yourself to see the city. Everything is decked out, and there is so much to do. I’ve been a bit of a Grinch lately (most people say bitch, but we will Christmas it up), so this was pretty fun for me as a whole.

We went to Bryant Park, which has a whole Christmas Village setup, complete with tree and ice skating. And shops, lots of shops. We went to the Rockefeller Center, of course! And the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall! It was so much fun!

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so, did 2016 suck for everyone?

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Oh, December. The end of the year. The time when people start thinking about new beginnings, making resolutions that they won’t keep, putting on pounds that they won’t shed, and thinking of all the wonderful things to come…that probably won’t.

And, time to reflect on the year that has passed. 2016. Fuck You, 2016.

I’ve had a few rough years lately. I hope that 2017 will be better, but with my luck lately… meh. I got divorced in 2012. I lost my mom in 2013. 2014 was a blur of trying to figure things out. I almost died in 2015.

And in 2016, I went through a lot of shit with people and relocated my entire existence to a new place where I knew very few people and had little to no support system. So, don’t fault me when I say I don’t have high hopes for the new year.

I will say, though, out of all the shit I’ve dealt with in 2016, the one good thing that has come of it is that I’ve really started to learn who I am, and who my true friends are. It’s been very tough to go through this process… harder than you can probably imagine, but, I hope the payoff will be worth it one day. I found my self worth and stopped letting people take advantage of me or lead me on. I stopped saying yes to appease other people and started calling people out when they were being complete dicks. And I’m slowly starting to learn to embrace being alone, since that seems like a thing for me now.

But really, did 2016 suck for anyone else? I feel like my entire Instagram feed is full of posts about drinking to forget everything, how hard it is to adult, and general self loathing? Or are these just the things I’ve subconsciously sought out?

Sorry for the negative post folks…just feeling a bit bitter these days. Woosahhh.

xoxo, Tempest.

 

carpe la vie

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I’m baaaaccckk! This post may be a little lengthy, because I have a lot to say. Also, I know carpe la vie isn’t actually a thing, but it maybe should be.

First, let’s talk about my trip. DR was basically amazing, for several different reasons. It’s a beautiful place, so you can’t really go wrong there.. but I also met some really awesome people. Turns out that wedding crashing has a few perks!

One of the beautiful things about going to a place like the Dominican Republic is the opportunity to completely disconnect. I am admittedly very connected all the time, and I sometimes feel very lost when I don’t have a phone or tablet nearby to stay up to speed on what is going on. In Punta Cana, I was able to step away from that. Ok.. the WiFi sucked ass, so I was partially forced to, but you get the point. I’ve been trying to be better about stepping away from screens, and this was a good opportunity to do that. I didn’t record performances, I didn’t take a shit-ton of selfies (just a moderate ton), and most importantly.. I just focused on the moment. 

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brb, life.

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Hey folks.. I know I’ve been a little quiet lately, mainly because I’ve been sooo damn busy (As always!). I regret to say I will probably not be posting for another week or so. When I say regret, I am 100% lying. As it turns out, I am heading out of the country to the Dominican Republic for a friend of a friend’s wedding (yeah, I’m crashing, so what?!) and will be off the grid for about a week! There’s a real good chance I don’t come back.. I would say I’m going to go live off the land but uh, let’s be real, I wouldn’t make it a day if I had to fend for myself. 

Anyway, here are some quick updates on my current situation and how I’m doing. I’m actually hanging in there. The whole moving across the country thing and having to start from scratch in life isn’t beating me down so badly. I’ve had a few rough patches, sure, but overall things are looking up. 

This time of the year is definitely hard for me with the holidays. I completely miss my mom. My mom was insane about holidays, she was always the one overdoing it and making everything a big deal, so her absence is even more noticable during this time of the year. However, with Thanksgiving coming up, I’ve started reflecting on my life. Yeah, I don’t have a mom anymore, and that sucks, but there are a lot of things I DO have, and some of those things are pretty badass.

  1. I have an amazing ability to make friends, and am lucky to have some already to spend Thanksgiving with up here in the northeast. Seriously, this would suck if I hadn’t met a few really kickass people.
  2. I’m kind of a superhero. Humble, I know. I have a tendency to be very, VERY hard on myself. I’m going to be single forever, I struggle with my weight, but when I really break it down, I feel like I am strong and driven and successful… much more than I let on. I’m 30 years old and in a very respectable position in my company. I’ve gotten promoted every 2 years for the last 10. I’m doing this while going back to school and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. That’s pretty commendable, if I do say so myself.
  3. I’m not a shitty person. The world is really quite full of people who are just…well…bad (coughdonaldtrumpcough) these days. People have become crass. They don’t care. They don’t consider how the things they do impact other humans. While it may be seen as weakness to some, I am proud to be empathetic and a caretaker of the people who are important to me. I’m glad to have goals and values and morals. I’m okay with being alone if it means I am not settling and am focusing on being with people who only make me better. 

With those extra deep insights said, I will now leave you guys here in the digital world to go partake in a connection-free life for a bit. Amazing pictures coming soon!
XOXO, Tempest. 

here’s a post that is about me, and not boys.

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Okay, it’s maybe a little about boys. Well.. relationships, as always.

I’ve been doing okay with the whole dating thing. I met a guy who actually seems like a really good guy, which I feel like was getting tough and making me extremely bitter towards the whole dating scene. Great, right? Wrong! Have you met me?! I am the queen of overthinking everything, and I can break things so very easily. Sometimes, I even break them on purpose. I’ve mentioned before that I like to push people away. It’s like pushing a glass vase off of a shelf to see if it breaks. Guess what… it does! And then you’re all pissed off because you had this lovely glass vase and now, gone. Shattered. Kaput. 

Anyway, I haven’t done this yet with this one, but I have noticed something that I thought was worth writing about.

When my walls come down, theirs go up. I think this is because I start any relationship EXTREMELY guarded, and when I start letting someone in, they get this full 100% blast of Tempest that they maybe didn’t expect and certainly weren’t prepared for. Hence: walls. Like oh shit, this girl has a super strong personality and I don’t know how to human anymore! (They probably aren’t thinking that, but you get the gist…)

The new challenge I am now facing is how do I let enough of my true self shine through in the beginning, without feeling vulnerable and afraid to peek over my very well built and well maintained walls. In theory, I should start breaking some of them down. I know this. But guys, I have worked a LONG time on building these bitches up, the idea of tearing them down is terrifying.

Or could it be that I just haven’t met the right person that can handle the me that is scared, and hides, and is afraid to love, but also the me who is passionate, and brave, and over the top? Can I be allowed to have my walls sometimes, but still have someone see me as me? Is that a thing?

Until next time!

XOXO, Tempest.

you’re like, 12.

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…another one bites the dust.

I’m seriously, VERY..VERY close to getting myself to a nunnery. This dating shit is insanely terrible! The next one isn’t too bad, but, ugh. Read on.

This happens to be the most recent guy that I cut off. This guy, codename “Perv,” was extremely cute… except for this stupid goddamn earring. Like, really really cute..butttt also maybe a douche. But, because I thought he was cute and fun, I tried to overlook a lot of stuff. Until..ugh, I just couldn’t anymore. I’m sure you’re wondering, how did this guy get the name Perv? Letttt me just tell you.

This guy, at 33, had responses to general conversation that went something like this:

Tempest: Hey, just got done with hot yoga!

Perv: Oh, I bet you are soaking wet.

Or…

Tempest: Sorry I’ve been quiet, crazy busy at work today.. working on a new project.

Perv: I have a project you can work on.

 

And so on, and so on.

The strange thing is, this guy was completely normal in person. Funny, maybe even charming, did I mention cute? Very cute. But sweet baby Jesus, I felt like I was talking to a prepubescent teenager half of the time.

The other warning signs? If this guy wasn’t making an inappropriate sex joke, he couldn’t take any joke. I tried joking with him several times, and he would make a passive aggressive or condescending comment. Granted, this was via text, so I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it got so bad once that I actually called him to clear things up because he responded in such a shitty way. But really, are you 12?

The straw that broke the camels back… apparently homeboy had a little bit of a drinking tendency. Every time I talked to him, he was on the way to the bar, or hungover, or starting to drink again early on. I am not one to judge anyone’s personal preferences, but you are in your 30’s, and it may be time to give that party life a break. What really did it in was when he chose to start his evening at a bar… an evening we were supposed to be meeting up. Instead of going home and changing out of his grungy construction clothes, he was “forced” into going to a bar, and therefore would be late to meet up with me. Yeah no.

By the way, when I told him I wasn’t going to meet up, he proceeded to tell me how put off he was that I decided not to meet up because he had gone out.

Really? Really dude? Do you honestly think that it’s okay to be late for a date because you needed to stop and get a drink?

Nah son. Cheers, I’m out.

manwhore in training

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another recent fun dating-related story. this one didn’t make it to a date, just a phone conversation after matching on bumble.

I don’t consider myself, in any way, a prude. I enjoy sex, but I’m also not a slut. I think sex forms a connection, and therefore shouldn’t be passed around like candy. Have I had casual sex? Sure. But, at 30, it’s not exactly what I’m looking for. 

I matched with this guy online, we are going to call him Jafar, because he’s definitely slightly evil, it’s close to his real name, and he is desperately trying to find a magic carpet for all the Ladieeeeeeesss.

We talk via text for a bit, and decide to talk on the phone. Here, I find out a few fun facts about ole Jafar. 

  • 36 years old and divorced. Fine, I get it, I’m divorced, and I am prepared for that type of background.
  • Actively dating. Sure, cool, me too.
  • Actively dating multiple people simultaneously. Again, okay, I’m talking to several people at most times, but once it gets to more of a “dating” scenario I try to keep it to just a few. 
  • When we say multiple, we mean 5-6 at a time. He likes to keep busy. The red flag starts making an appearance.
  • Oh and by dating, we mean dating, and usually sleeping with. Okay. Wait. You’re sleeping with several women at a time? Woah. We need to discuss.

Once that last fact popped up, I told him that we were probably not a good match, because although I will date a few people to figure out if there is a connection, I don’t think its really conducive to finding a healthy relationship if you’re sleeping with several people. Also, it’s gross. I don’t want to fuck who you’re fucking. If I did, I would go fuck them. 

He seems cool on the phone. He tries to justify it, saying, it’s easier to filter out who is a good match if he is able to explore the situation both “mentally and physically” instead of taking a lot of time with just one person, and that because he’s older, he doesn’t want to waste time. My counterargument: you can’t really get to know anyone if you’re juggling that many at a time, so really, are you saving time? He was steadfast in his opinion. I said hey, good luck to you man, I still feel that way and it’s really a deal breaker for me, but take care. End of conversation.

….hah! not. These guys can’t handle rejection to save their life.

He starts texting me, telling me how he really is safe with his sex life, and I seem smart and have a good head on my shoulders, and he hopes I will reconsider. He continues to say that he’s very loyal and committed… once he commits. Okay, I’m supposed to wait around while you stick your dick in every girl you meet in the meantime? Nah son. I reinforce what I’ve already said. It’s not something I’m okay with, and I’m not going to pretend to be okay with it just for shits and giggles. I’m staying true to me, end of story. 

gdkynm4

Then things start to take a turn… the ugly side comes out. Seriously, what is it with guys not being able to accept a “no? these days? He tells me that he’s an honest guy and that I can’t see that, and every guy is really doing this, but he just is open about it. I’m like.. okay, sure, that may be the case but.. STILL. DOESN’T. CHANGE. MY. OPINION. 

Now he’s ready to try to make a few personal hits. “You’re smart, but you don’t have any of the other qualities that are important to me. Good luck to you, we are obviously not a fit.”

Oh – so it’s my qualities that are lacking? The ones important to you? What are these qualities you speak of, that y]a 30 minute phone conversation releaved I am missing? Is it weakness? Is that a quality I should have and clearly don’t, because I’m not taking your shit? Promiscuity, for not being thrilled to jump in bed with you? 

Oh.

I know.

It’s herpes. This guy is clearly looking for herpes. Good luck with that, Jafar! Pretty sure you’ll have no problem finding that sometime soon. 

xoxo, Tempest.