Month: July 2016

no.

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Hey guys! Just a few quick updates here. One, I updated my theme, and I hope you noticed, because you visit SO often. Two, I was thinking back to something I posted about a month ago (That time I decided it was okay to say no.) and the impacts it has had on my life.

If you haven’t done this, I challenge you to try it. When you think you are going with the flow or a group or a crowd or even just societal expectations, say NO. Say no for you, and do whatever the fuck you want to do.

I have really enjoyed this new “No-Saying-Tempest” that I’ve become.

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To be honest, saying no feels good. It feels empowering. I feel like I have finally gotten some of my.. me.. back, if that makes sense. My “no” extravaganza started with ex-flames. If you have read any of my blog, you know at this point that I SUCK at dating and romantic involvement of any kind. I have a couple of guys that I have, over the years, had trouble letting go of. Those were the first to get a no from me. No, I don’t need to pretend to be your friend, I don’t need to be nice to you, I don’t need you, so why say yes and keep something toxic in my life?

The next step was harder…friends. I have held onto a lot of friendships that hurt me too, and it was time to take the step in freeing myself from that. This, honestly, is still a tough one for me, but I know at the end of the day I am taking care of myself and creating boundaries for others to respect.

So again, take some time to figure out what it is in your life that drains you, and start saying no to it. It’s hard, I won’t lie. Especially after a lifetime of conceding to others and trying to compromise, it is very very hard sometimes. But the feeling when you get through to the other side is so amazingly worth it.

 

xoxo, Tempest.

mom.

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When I started this blog, it was meant to be a release for me… a way to get things out and off my chest. For the most part, I’ve done that, but I have been holding off, for one reason or another, on writing about a very important sad hurtful tough emotional subject, which is my mom.

My mom passed away in 2013. I had just turned 27. I had just gotten divorced. I had just watched my mom battle with and eventually lose the battle to cancer. I wasn’t there when my mom passed away, because I lived about 7 hours away. In the days before her passing, my mom was put on hospice, so we knew it would be coming fast. I had planned on coming up that weekend to be with my family, but something in my gut told me to head out early. I was on the road, about 3 hours into my trip, when I got the call from my sister with the news.

The hardest thing about my mother’s death actually wasn’t the part where she left this earth. It was the months and years preceding it that she spent.. leaving. My mom had a rare blood cancer that caused a lot of organ issues, including kidney failure, resulting in the need for a kidney transplant, and bone pain. Patients typically lived 3-5 years. My mom lived survived 8. I can’t say lived, because after a few years, when the pain began to become more than she could deal with, she spent most of her time in bed and on various pain medications. It became hard to deal with the situation and seeing her attitude and personality change.

There are a lot of things that happened in those years that have shaped the person I am today, some good and some bad. I hate that sometimes it is hard to remember the good, because so much of my adult life was spent with the bad. Nevertheless, when things get tough, I can’t help but be reminded of my mom’s spirit and how strong she was for me before she got sick.

My mom had a spirit that couldn’t be tamed. She was the strongest woman I knew for most of my adolescent years, even though she had her faults. She was always ready to face a challenge and find ways to overcome them. As an adult now, I often think back to times in my life when my mom shouldn’t have been able to pull off the things she did. She left home young, got married and had kids young, but still managed to achieve her career goals. When money was tight, she still found ways to give everyone in my family extravagant gifts at Christmas. When her credit should have been shot, she still found a way to keep a roof over our heads. I know it had to be tough and she had to be stressed out, but we never saw that, and she always came out okay.

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It’s been almost 4 years since her passing, but I still find that in certain situations, there is nothing more that I want than to be able to call up my mom and just talk. I hate that in the last few years of her life, I couldn’t always do that, because of the toll her condition and the medication had taken on her, and I wish nothing more than to be able to have those pre-cancer years back.

Right now, I’m going through a huge life change, it is definitely one of those times that I just want to talk to my mom. To ask her, what would you do, what should I do?  To vent about the things that I’m sure my friends are sick of hearing about, but the kind of things that moms never get tired of listening to. To share in my success in my career. To show her I’m working hard to become a woman she would be proud to call her daughter, every single day.

tempest.

PS. If you can call your mom, hug her, tell her that you love her, go ahead and take a moment to do so.

fear.

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I’m officially the worst post-a-weeker there ever was. I have not been writing very much lately because, well, I have had a ton of shit going on. Some major life changes, scary shit type of shit.

The good news: I got a REALLY great promotion at work. As in, the kind of stuff I love doing.. project management, lots of partnership, communication.. all the things I want in a job. It’s on a great team and reports to a great boss.

The bad news: it’s in New Jersey.

Now before you get all huffy about how bad New Jersey is… I worked up there for a few weeks this year and while it didn’t completely grow on me, I realized I could live there. It’s not bad, at least in the area I will be in when I relocate. Yes, it’s more expensive in general than Georgia, yes, it snows. But overall, I like the Northeast, I get to leave the fiery gates of hell they call “summer” in the South, I’m the same distance to my family in Virginia, and I’ll be doing what I love.

Also, I think I’m at least 10% hotter in the north, but I digress.

Leaving Atlanta is very scary, because I’ve made some great friends and memories during my time here. Going to a new place is equally scary, although I do already have some friends there. Finding a place is stressing me the fuck out. This is primarily the reason that I haven’t written lately, because I literally cannot tear myself away from Zillow, Trulia, Forrent.com, Hotpads, and any other rental finding website you can think of. I. Am. Obsessed. 

I’ve written about my anxiety before, and this plays a big part in it. Not knowing where I’m going to live is causing me major feelings of panic right now. I also live in a house full of people right now, and will be venturing out of the nest and into my own home for the first time in a while. So, more bills, yay!

Also, the whole thought of moving is just ridiculous. I do have help with the moving itself, but sweet baby Jesus I’ve collected a lot of stuff over the years. Going through all of the odds and ends is just daunting.. I am tempted to start fresh and burn the rest.

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Anyway, I’ll be making the trip up this weekend to try to find a suitable place to live. Hopefully, once that is done I can get to the fun stuff..like..decorating! And working my ass off in a new job!

Until next time, xoxo..Tempest.

That time I really sucked at posting..

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Hey guys so by the way, I realize I have been terrible about posting this month! I’ve had some pretty big life changes happening that have made me a little cuckoo.. but I am doing my best to stay diligent! More on these life changes to come!

soulmatch.

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Let’s talk about soulmates. If you have found this supposed soulmate, hooray! Do not read any further, because I’m only going to piss you off. I don’t think that soulmates are probable. A good dream, yes, but a dream nonetheless. I talked about this over the weekend with my family and we all kind of came to this same conclusion (except my grandma, who decided mine was a boyfriend back in high school for some godawful reason, and oh by the way my aunt’s is her exhusband…**souuuullmatesss**)

Think about for a minute… if there is just ONE person that is made for you, in the ENTIRE WORLD. The whole world, for fuck’s sake. It’s a big world, guys. It’s kind of depressing to consider that there is just one person, that you are somehow magically supposed to find, and everything is magical and everyone lives happily ever after, right? What if your soul mate is someone who lives in a third world country off the grid, how are you supposed to meet them? Life finds a way..? (Yes, read that in Ian Malcolm’s Jurassic Park voice). The other bleak thing about this one-person-is-made-for-you theory is… what about all the people who really really love each other, but maybe.. it’s like a 99% match. Really great but.. not..quite. The soulmate theory means a shitload of people are just hanging out and settling for what is good enough.

I like the idea better, and think it’s much more probable, that instead of this one person we are supposed to find, that there are soul..matches. A soulmatch can be anyone who can just identify with your soul. It doesn’t have to be just one person, either, there could be multiple people, and maybe you’ll come in contact with them… and maybe you won’t. The point is, it’s possible. And it probably would create a lot more happy endings, if instead of trying to find this one unicorn, we find a soulmatch, or maybe multiple soulmatches throughout life, who can understand you for who you are. All your quirks and eccentricies and things that make you you, they can understand, support, and hopefully enrich.

I know at first glance this post seems bitter, but in fact, it’s optimistic. Finding a person in your life who can do this is inspiring, and the idea that it doesn’t have to be locked down to one person living in an igloo somewhere is encouraging. It makes me feel like there is something out there that can work, kind of like my current healthy and successful relationship with pizza. And anything that can rival pizza sounds like a damn good thing.

 

xoxo, Tempest.

 

A thought…

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Tiny houses are just fancy trailers.