I’ve been terrible at posting. I keep thinking of all of the things that I need to say, and sometimes it just takes me a while to get my head around them enough to put my thoughts into words.
A few updates, and then a few thoughts on something that has been on my mind lately: how easy it is to become caged by freedom.
So, on dating. I will have a new post soon about someone I met recently. Yes, this person deserves their very own post. But for any consistent readers, everyone referenced in Chapter 47 is long gone. And that definitely includes Prince Eric, who turned out to be quite the asshole. I can’t say that I’m surprised, and thank god that infatuation is over.
What else is new… I got a promotion at work! I feel like quite the badass for being promoted within a year. It makes it feel so worth it to have made the move and made such a big change in my life. Onward and upward!
One of the things that I have cherished in my adult life is the ability to have the freedom to do what I want. Things like uprooting and moving to a new state and starting a new chapter, without having to answer to anyone. But sometimes, I think we can become caged by our freedom.
I think this has happened to me to an extent, and it has definitely impacted who I am. I have focused so much on being free and living a full life that I design, that I’ve subsequently kept people and relationships at arm’s length. It’s only recently that I’ve realized how imprisoning freedom can actually be. Yes, I can pick up and start over at any point, because it’s just me. But at the same time, it’s just me. Staying in the same place through life allows you to build substantial long term relationships, and I haven’t done that. I’ve moved every few years and started over.
On one hand, it’s exhilarating to be able to start anew. You can rebuild who you are. You can learn new experiences. You can challenge yourself to do things you’ve never done before. You can surprise yourself by achieving things that seem so out of reach to so many people. On the other, it’s terrifying. It causes you to isolate yourself. Trust only yourself. Feel alone and like you only have yourself to rely on.
I’m at a point now where I want to be able to really start settling in my life, and stop constantly hunting for this idea of freedom. I want to surround myself with people who challenge me, instead of just putting myself into challenging situations. I want to do the things I’ve never done before by discovering new depths within myself, instead of discovering a new area code. I want to learn to let my guard down and share my achievements with people who care about me.
I will not say that some of these things don’t already happen, because they absolutely do. I am lucky to have a few very good friends and people in my life. I just know that this is something that I can improve on. I can be a stronger, better me by learning to let myself live in a way that doesn’t require me to always seek a new challenge. That’s what is interesting about the idea of escaping the freedom cage. Maybe letting go of the idea of chasing freedom will be the most freeing thing I experience.
Until next time!